Unfinished Business
by Nala1
Summary: Conclusion is up. The happily ever after I promised after torturing our fav couple.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters or anything else JAG. So DPB and all ya'll legal weenies leave me alone. =0) That said, this is my first fanfic so go easy on me. Love to know what can be done better, but I don't need to be ripped either. So, hope you enjoy. I have several other chapters almost ready and will post those soon, unless everyone thinks this sucks. And then I'll just enjoy them all by myself. =0)  
  
Setting & Spoilers: Bud never lost his leg. Otherwise, consider any other episode spoiled.  
  
Summary: Mac is getting antsy and anxious for more in her relationship with Harm. He's still being a big chicken and screws up with her again! Throw a Webb mission in the mix and we got lots of angst! Do they end up together?? Read and find out. ;0)  
  
1630 JAG HQ  
  
Lt. Colonel Mackenzie's Office  
  
  
  
I'm sitting here doing my damnedest to finish this report on the Harlen investigation, but I can't seem to concentrate on it. Lately, I have just felt restless and uneasy. Its either a premonition of some sort that something big is about to come into my life, which usually means my orderly and mundane existence is about to get shot to hell, or it's the fact that I feel my life is going nowhere and fast. It's probably the latter given my 'situation' with Harm. Sure, we've gotten back to a friendship after Mic and Renee went their separate ways, but it's been 6 months since that night in Afghanistan. That night was the first time in a long while that gave me hope that maybe Harm wanted to move our friendship up a notch or two. He was so sweet as he pulled me to him to 'share body heat'. For a moment he let his guard down and I could see the desire and concern for me in his beautiful eyes. But then the damn bombs had to start dropping and we were lucky to make it out alive.  
  
And ever since then I've been stuck in 'best friend' status. I know my restleness is translating into some irritability with those around me. I'm trying not to let it affect my work, but it's hard given that part of my frustration is walking around all day at work. I need something to get me away from here, but I don't think a vacation will do it. I'm craving danger and excitement like I never have before. Something to make me feel alive; like I am doing something really worthwhile. I know that my job is important as a JAG lawyer, and I love it... But the paperwork and tedium of trials can wear on you after awhile. Hey, I'm a kickass marine and I need to be out actually fighting the bad guys every once in a while.  
  
I notice absently that I am pacing my office like a madwoman and I think I've been talking out loud since I have seemed to attract an audience outside my office. I give one glare to the onlookers and can't help but smirk as they all scatter trying to pretend that they're doing something other than stare at me. I see Harm eyeing my office with some trepidation and I decide to help him out with his decision. Moving to the door I shut it and close my blinds. Its pretty much enter at your own risk at this point.  
  
Sitting down in my chair I can't help the loud and frustrated sigh that escapes my lips. Back to work, the report has to get finished and the sooner I do the quicker I can get to the gym and get rid of some of this energy.  
  
  
  
Rabb's POV*** 'Wow', something is definitely up with Mac. I haven't seen her this restless since... Have I ever seen her this antsy? I don't think I have. This is different than her pissed off marine mode. There is a touch of anger in there, but mostly I can tell she is frustrated about something. I'm her best friend and I want to help, but the look she just gave everyone was definitely not a hello, come on in sort of thing. She just closed her door and I'm thinking I better wait a few. Ok, I'm being a coward but I don't like having Mac yell at me. And besides, I do need to finish a pre- trial motion. Sitting down to my desk I watch as Webb makes a beeline for the Admiral's office. I can't help but groan wondering why he is here. I'm sure the admiral will be calling me into his office any moment now. Mac and I always have to bail Webb out of some sort of jam. Though to be fair, he has helped us out more than once.  
  
The opening of Mac's door brings my attention to her as she walks straight for the admiral's office. Not even a glance in my direction. Hmm, wonder why he hasn't called me in yet. Better ask Tiner just to make sure he didn't forget to ask me to come in.  
  
"Tiner, did the Admiral need to see me as well?"  
  
Tiner looks a little nervous. "Uh no sir. He specifically asked for Colonel Mackenzie and no one else."  
  
"Oh, ok." I wander back to my desk and wonder what the hell is going on in there? Why would he need Mac and not me? The idea doesn't set well, but maybe he just needs me later and has to talk with Mac first.  
  
I'm sitting here at my desk and I realize it's been 2 hours since Mac went into the Admiral's office. I'm starting to get frustrated and maybe a bit worried that I haven't been called in for the meeting. Just as I get up to get a cup of coffee I hear the office door open and Webb and Mac walk out together. He follows her to her office and I barely hear something about needing a decision tomorrow afternoon. I study the look on Clay's face as he exits, but you hardly ever see anything other than his CIA issued smirk. Turning my attention to Mac I realize that her earlier mood has been completely replaced. She is standing at her window and somewhere in the back of my mind I realize she looks beautiful framed in the soft light of the sunset. I walk to her door and knock softly, not wanting to startle her. No response. Knocking louder, I watch the almost subdued yet tense lines of her body.  
  
"Mac?" still no response. Moving towards her I place my hand on her shoulder and she whirls around ready to deck me.  
  
"Harm! Don't sneak up on me like that."  
  
"Mac, I knocked twice and called your name."  
  
"Oh, Sorry, I was thinking." She turns away from me again and seems to almost immediately forget I'm in the room.  
  
"You want to talk about it?"  
  
She turns back to me and seems to think about it, but then gives me a half smile that never quite reaches her eyes. "Sorry, it's a Webb thing. You know how it goes." Sighing she drops herself into her chair and rubs her temples.  
  
The alarm bells are going off in my head. "Mac, Webb wants you for a mission?" Her half nod is enough to really get me worrying. "Is that what you're supposed to tell him tomorrow. Whether or not you'll accept it?"  
  
Another half nod and she turns again to face the window. "Are you going to accept it?"  
  
She looks at me and seems to be almost waiting for something from me. "Honestly, I don't know Harm. It kind of depends." Now she's looking at me again and I feel like she's definitely waiting for me to do something.  
  
"Colonel, a minute please. Alone." Admiral Chegwidden is standing at her door staring at me. That's definitely my cue to go back to my office. I watch as he enters and shuts her door wondering more than ever what is going on.  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
"Mac, I know you feel pressured by what Webb told you. Just remember that this assignment is voluntary and I will not think any less of you if you don't take it. In fact, I'd almost rather you didn't." He says the last part almost too quiet to be heard.  
  
I raise my eyes to his and see his concern and something else. Fear. Not for himself but for me. Damn it. I guess I'm getting what I wanted. This just seems to be a little more than I was hoping for. I wanted some excitement, but not necessarily of the kind I'll be signing up for if I agree. There was a time when I would have been upset that he didn't want me to take it, but I know he trusts me to do the job.  
  
"Thank you, Sir. I feel like I should take it. I swore an oath to protect this country, regardless of what the price might be. I just.." my words trail off as I lose the ability to voice my fears. I've been in danger before, but nothing that would require this much of me. I'm a little scared of the possible repercussions of accepting Webb's latest mission. It won't be short and it's guaranteed to be tricky. I raise my eyes to my CO's once again and try to express what I can't say. I see his understanding and I watch as he struggles with what to tell me.  
  
"Mac, I meant what I said. Truthfully, I'm not so sure this is your battle to fight given the circumstances. But, I trust you to make your own decision on this. Just think long and hard before you say yes."  
  
"Yes, sir." I watch as he walks out my door. Turning back he adds one more thing.  
  
"Would you like to take tomorrow off to make a decision?"  
  
I consider his offer, but shake my head. "No, but thank you, Sir." He turns again and I can see Harm staring curiously at me. His features carry some concern, but mostly I think he's irked that he wasn't invited to the party. I know that I need to do some major downplaying with Harm. Otherwise he is going to give me grief non-stop that he won't be there to watch my six. My mind is almost made up already. I have never walked away from an assignment, and even though this one is more of a request.. Well, my sense of duty is too strong to let me say no. I watch Harm approach and I have to fight myself. I want so badly to confide in him and have him tell me that he doesn't want me to go. But, I can't. It wouldn't be right. There is a part of me that wants to make the decision based on where I am or am not with Harm. But, I really have no idea where I stand with him.  
  
"Hey flyboy." I give him my biggest smile and I watch as a bit of confusion flashes across his handsome face. He plops himself down in my chair and starts to scrutinize me with his look that is usually reserved for cross-examining a particularly reluctant witness.  
  
"Mac, what's going on?"  
  
Damn, this will not go well if I don't distract him and fast. Giving him my best nonchalant shrug, "Nothing. Webb just needs my language skills more than anything. And that was telling you too much." As he opens his mouth and narrows his eyes I'm starting to get desperate. "Really, its no big deal. Hey, you still owe me dinner for when I kicked your six on the Macyntire case." I manage to rush out. Ok, he gets that look and I know he's onto me, but he lets it go for a minute and I feel a rush of relief. Wait, did I just suggest we do something alone where he can really grill me? Talk about out of the pan and into the fire.  
  
He realizes it too and just sort of grins at me. "Yeah, how about pizza and a movie."  
  
I have just postponed the inevitable, but this will give me a little time to regroup. "Only if half is loaded with the good stuff." I flash him a smile back. "How about 1930 at my place."  
  
"Ok" he agrees and gets up to go to his office.  
  
I've got to hurry if I'm going to get anything done tonight before he arrives. I grab my things and race out to my car. Safely on the road, my mind starts to drift over the mission and what I am going to do. It will be an undercover role for me. But I'll be relatively isolated from any contacts and that is part of what makes it so dangerous. There won't be anyone there to watch my six if things go south. And the fact that I'll be undercover in Iraq adds to my concern. I know the Admiral said this wasn't my mess to take care of, and I know that's true. But, if someone doesn't get on the inside of this operation and stop the weapons from getting to Bin Laden's group we will have a lot of dead Americans. And although it is a CIA op, I swore an oath to protect my country. I can't turn my back on this. I won't. I realize my decision is already made. I just need to know a few things about Harm and I before I leave. It will be better than writing a letter that he might have to end up reading.  
  
It's almost 1930 and I just manage to slip into jeans and a v-neck t-shirt as I hear Harm at the door. Opening the door I am faced with his full flyboy grin and the heavenly aroma of hot pizza. Looking at Harm, I'm not sure which is more edible looking. Him or the pizza?  
  
"So, what movie did ya get?" I smile as I grab the pizza and motion for him to follow me into the kitchen.  
  
"Mission Impossible 2"  
  
Harm knows I love of all the cool techno gadgets in that movie. "Good choice flyboy." Handing out two plates I grab some water bottles from the fridge and try to avoid the look he is giving me. "Come on. We have to get the movie started or we won't have time to watch it." I don't wait for an answer as I lead him into the front room. I have to keep something distracting him otherwise I'm going to get the third degree.  
  
I have to laugh to myself as I watch Mac scurry around trying to keep me from asking her what is going on. Not for the first time I notice how good she looks in just jeans and a t-shirt. Hmmm, especially a t-shirt that dips a little low in the front. I find myself wondering what the skin at the v of her shirt feels like. It looks so soft and inviting. I don't have time to wonder much longer as I look up and find myself busted. She has that funny half smirk mixed with curiosity at what has my attention. My mind drifts back to a similar time and look on a beach in Sydney as she sat with Mic when I was trying to figure out if she was topless.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Lets get the movie started." I offer lamely and hope she doesn't pursue it.  
  
We both get comfortable on the couch as she gets the movie started. It's about a half hour in that we have finished the pizza and she starts to lean back against the couch, trying to get comfortable. I want to tell her to use me as a pillow, but I'm chicken. Things have been good between us and I don't want to mess it up. I love having my best friend back and I'm not ready to chance it just yet. Soon, but not yet. A voice in the back of my head tells me that 'not yet' seems to have become my motto with her. I shrug it off and turn my attention back to the movie.  
  
Another half hour in and I notice she is getting sleepy. My mind must have been distracted because my arm reaches over to pull her into me. She sighs a little as she snuggles up and I'm instantly more content. I breathe in the scent from her hair and touch the softness of it. I look down and find myself wondering again what her skin feels like, just at the top of her breast. I'm saved from my ponderings as an action scene starts in the movie and I turn my attention back to that.  
  
The movie's credits end and I'm glad I held onto the remote as I turn the TV and VCR off. She's sleeping soundly in my arms and I feel like I could stay like this forever. Her mouth is turned up just a bit in a half smile and I wonder what she is dreaming about. Once again, my body reacts before my mind has a chance to stop it. I reach out to caress the line of her jaw and move my fingers to trace her bottom lip. I can barely feel the soft tickle of her breath as she sighs at my touch. Her lips feel so soft, so inviting. I want so badly to taste her again. My hand moves down to allow my fingers to lightly caress a path from her jaw, down her neck, and slowly down the open expanse of skin created by the v in her t-shirt. I hear her moan as my fingers trail across her skin. I can feel my breathing become ragged as I continue to touch her.  
  
"Harm." The whisper of my name brings my eyes back to her face. The desire in her deep chocolate eyes fuels my own need to touch her, but I hesitate knowing this will change things between us.  
  
Mac's POV**  
  
His touch slowly teases me out of my sleep. As he stares back at me I feel a rush of heat race through my body. He seems to be waiting for me now and I answer the only way I know how. I raise my mouth to his and his tongue teases at the seam of my lips. Opening my mouth, he slips his tongue inside and I moan at the sensation.  
  
My body is on fire as caresses me, running his hands over my skin. Somewhere in my mind I wonder if I knew it would be this incredible? The feeling of his hands on me is intoxicating, but I need more. I need more of his skin touching mine. I break our kiss just long enough to straddle him, giving me better access to the bottom of his shirt. I hear his groan of pleasure as I slip my hands underneath and touch his flushed skin. Moving the bottom of his shirt up, we break contact once again as he lifts it over his head. His mouth finds mine and our tongues tease each other. He suddenly pulls away from me and I groan at the loss of contact.  
  
"Sarah, you're so beautiful." The look in his eyes and his declaration touch something inside me and I have to hold the tears back. I have waited so long for him to look at me this way. I was starting to think it would never happen, and right now I can't imagine being happier. I move closer and offer myself to him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I can hear my cell phone ringing. I'm not going to get it of course. There is no way I am going to interrupt what is finally happening between us.  
  
Damn, now my home phone is ringing. Someone really wants to get a hold of me. I see the question in his eyes, but I shake my head.  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie. I need to talk to you as soon as you get this message. Call me ASAP!" Great! My CO's voice barking at me from the answering machine in my kitchen is definitely a mood killer. We both jump at his voice, acting like two guilty teenagers getting caught by their parents.  
  
"Damn". I can't help but be really mad at the Admiral right now. My breathing is still heavy from what we were doing and I can hear Harm struggling for control as well. I lean back on the couch and close my eyes wishing we could have finished what we started. I hear Harm rustling around for his shirt and my heart sinks a little. An uncomfortable tension starts to fill the room and I am suddenly afraid that Harm is regretting what just happened. He won't look at me and I get the feeling he is about to run.  
  
"Stay." I command more than anything. "I need to call the Admiral back and then we need to talk." His response is to pace distractedly while staring out my window.  
  
I walk into the privacy of my bedroom and phone the Admiral back. He relates a new wrinkle in Webb's mission and explains that he needs my decision now. I know I've already decided to accept it, but I struggle some to say the words and make it final. "Yes, sir."  
  
The silence on the phone is deafening. "You're sure about this, Mac?" His gentle voice is almost my undoing as I realize again that he is scared for me.  
  
"Yes, sir. I have to. You know that."  
  
"I never thought you wouldn't, Mac." His next statement returns him to the in charge Admiral that he is. "We'll reassign your cases first thing in the morning and then you'll leave at 1130 tomorrow. Webb says he has everything you need and not to make sure you don't bring anything personal. No pictures or anything. Make us proud and come back safely." His statement to come back safely is more of an order than anything and I have to smile as he breaks the connection.  
  
Rabb's POV*** 'What have I done? I didn't mean to let things happen like that with Mac. I curse myself as I realize that I have let my hormones jeopardize the most important relationship in my life. The feeling of her in my arms was just too much. My mind races for some way to get me out of this mess. I rationalize that Mac was certainly a willing partner, but that isn't really the problem. The problem is that I am still not ready to 'let go' yet. I'm not ready to start on more. We're still getting back to our friendship. Ok, maybe that's not true. I think we have our friendship back on track and have for a few months now.  
  
I'm still standing at her window when I hear her come back into the room.  
  
"Harm, talk to me." Her voice is full of fear as I keep my back to her. She's closer now; I can smell her next to me. Her arm snakes around my waist and I immediately tense thinking she wants to start where we left off. Part of me wants that, but I know it would be more of a mistake than anything else I might do tonight.  
  
I feel her pull back at my reaction and I know I've just hurt her again. I turn to look at her and the pain and fear in her eyes is overwhelming. I struggle for my words, to make her understand how much I do care.  
  
"Mac, you know I care about you. You're my best friend, but we're not ready for this yet." If it's possible my words seem to cause more pain. "I'm sorry I let things go so far. I shouldn't have done that." Damn, I seem to be on a roll as she visibly flinches at my last statement.  
  
"You think this was a mistake?" her words are barely audible.  
  
Once again I completely miss her real question and blow it all to hell with my next statement. "Yeah, Mac. Don't you? We've just gotten our friendship back. This isn't the time to be moving forward with... this."  
  
All I can focus on is that he is once again rejecting me. How can he possibly feel like what we just shared was a mistake? I felt closer to him than I ever have before. It felt so right, so perfect. The words 'best friend' are tearing at my heart.  
  
"Am I ever going to be more than just your best friend, Harm?" the words come out laced with bitterness and anger. I can see the confusion on his face. Ok, I'm going to spell this out this time. "Harm, I am ready to move forward with 'this' now. I've been ready, but I'm starting to think that you never will." I am starting to raise my voice at him as my anger starts to take over.  
  
"Things have been good between us, Mac. Why can't that be enough for you for right now? Why are you pushing this?" He throws this back at me and I can see this is starting to go downhill fast.  
  
"Harm, that's exactly why I want to move forward. Things have been good between us. After tonight I know you're at least not repulsed by me. So what is the problem? What is holding you back?"  
  
I watch as he turns away from me. "Mac, there's so much to lose if this doesn't work out. Things are just so complicated between us. You want me to just make a decision as if it's the easiest thing in the world to do, but it isn't."  
  
Damn him. I don't have to ask what he is afraid of losing. He still can't let go of his career, flying, or his precious freedom. I still rank lower than all those things in his life. The realization hits me and I have to sit down. I just got my answer whether or not he knows it. I hold back the tears as I realize that he will never be ready to 'let go'. At least not with me. Surely he would have been able to by now if it were going to work between us.  
  
"Maybe we need some time apart, Harm. I told you before that I was sick of this dance and I asked you then what you were willing to give up to have me. I didn't get an answer then, but I guess I have my answer now." I look up to see the confusion in his eyes, mixed with pain. "Harm, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep waiting and hoping that some day you will be willing to put me first in your life. I'm tired of waiting; I just can't do it anymore."  
  
All I hear is that she is ending it between us because she doesn't want to wait for me. I did answer on that damn carrier when she asked but once again she didn't stick around to find out. Everything has to be on her timetable or not at all. I know I should walk out now, but my anger roots me firmly in place. "You talk about being willing to give things up, but you're not willing to give me the time I need. It's always about what you want and when you want it. What about me? Why should I drop everything for you, Mac?" I see her eyes narrow in anger and I know I should stop here but I don't. "I tell you not yet and you're ready to walk away from it all, again? Just like you did in Sydney. Who are you going to run to now, Mac? Who are you going to try and make me jealous with this time?" My words come out in a taunting sneer.  
  
"You son of a bitch." She stands up and slaps me hard. The stinging on my face shocks me. I realize suddenly what I've just done and said. The look on her face scares me.  
  
"Get out." Her tone is ice cold.  
  
"Mac..."  
  
"Get out, now." She walks over to the door and opens it waiting for me to leave. I try to make eye contact with her but she refuses.  
  
I try one more time to get her to talk to me. "Mac, I shouldn't have said that last part. Let's talk tomorrow when we're calmer." I watch as a single tear makes its way down her face. Her response is to shove me out the door and slam it in my face. Damn it, why did she have to push me on this, now. Why can't she give me more time? I stomp off down the hall; once again feeling vindicated in my anger.  
  
As I hear him leave cursing, my anger evaporates as I realize the repercussions of tonight. Harmon Rabb Jr, will never be able to put me first in his life. My hope that he would finally be able to give me more than friendship just got shot to hell. I sag against the door and slide to the floor as I dissolve into tears. I'm not sure how long I cried, but at some point I realize I have to get ready to leave tomorrow. I'm suddenly thankful for Webb's escapade, despite the possible outcomes. I won't have time to think about Harm on this mission and I won't be around him or anything that reminds me of him.  
  
END CHAPTER 1 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: Unfinished Business  
  
See part 1 for disclaimers. Oh, my apologies for any cultural inaccuracies. Chalk it up to poetic license.  
  
0930  
  
JAG HQ  
  
Mac's POV**  
  
I'm sitting here at staff meeting feeling like everything is moving way too fast. The admiral has pulled everyone together so that I can redistribute my cases while giving everyone the basics on where I'm at in each case. Harm and I haven't spoken a word to each other yet. I'm still angry with him, but mostly I'm hurting. He, on the other hand, just seems to be angry with me.  
  
"Dawkins is the last one, sir." I know this one is going to Harm.  
  
"Commander, Rabb. You'll take that one." I watch as he nods mutely.  
  
"Colonel, is there anything I should know on this case." His tone causes more than just a few stares.  
  
"No commander. I updated my notes this morning so that you would have everything you needed." I feel the Admiral's eyes on me at the coolness of my reply to Harm.  
  
"Ma'm. Do you know how long you will be gone?" Harriet breaks the quiet tension in the room.  
  
I turn my eyes to the Admiral's wondering what I can tell her. The details are all classified and I'm not sure I can even tell her that it is really open ended. Seeing my hesitation, the Admiral graciously answers for me.  
  
"No, Lt. Sims. We are not certain of the length of her assignment, though we hope to have her back fairly quickly. The details are classified as you understand." His tone is kind, but effectively cuts off any other questions.  
  
With the meeting completed, Bud and Harriet come up to me to give me hugs. I can see the worry in their eyes. Their kindness is one of the things I love about both of them. As Harm vacates the room and goes directly to his office, I can feel the questioning glances of Bud and Harriet. I try to cover by telling them that he's just pouting because he doesn't get to play commando too. They laugh with me, but I can tell I haven't fooled them.  
  
As I walk back to my office the Admiral motions to me. Following him into his office, I wait for his final instructions. But he just paces in front of me. He again just motions for me to take a seat without saying anything and then he sits down in the chair next to me. As I watch him closely, I can tell he is actually struggling with his emotions. That scares me. He's the admiral and he's always in control.  
  
"Mac, did something happen between you and Rabb that I should know about?"  
  
His question makes me a little uncomfortable. "Not exactly, sir."  
  
I hear him sigh in frustration. "Mac, I'm talking to you as your friend right now. I need to know that you are mentally and emotionally ready for this mission. You can't have any unfinished business holding you back. You have to be completely focused on this mission."  
  
"Sir." He looks at me and frowns.  
  
His gaze is too intense, and I find myself staring out his window. "AJ, last night was about finishing the unfinished business. Something did start to happen between Harm and I last night. You called in the middle of it." I can't help but blush as I remember what we were doing. But the pleasurable memory in my mind is instantly replaced by the sting of his rejection. I can see the confusion on AJ's face.  
  
"Harm decided it was a mistake. I got the answer I've been waiting for. So, there really isn't any unfinished business so to speak." I barely manage to keep my tone purely conversational. I can't afford to have the Admiral decide I'm not emotionally up to this mission. I raise my eyes to his to try to convey my ok'ness with everything.  
  
"Mac."  
  
"AJ, I finally have a direction to move in now. It may not be the answer I wanted, but I have an answer. I'm ready for this mission." I realize that what I just said is true. Knowing is always better than not knowing even though I am hurting like hell.  
  
AJ sighs and gives me one last look. His next action will always remain burned into my memory as he stands up and pulls me into his arms. There was a time when this might have been sexual between us, but now I only feel loving concern from him. I know this kind of display of emotion is rare and difficult for him. That knowledge makes it all the more special to me as I stay in his embrace. As he pulls away, he looks down into my eyes. "Sarah, be safe."  
  
The moment is broken as Tiner buzzes the Admiral's office letting him know the Secnav is holding. I stand back and in another rare moment he salutes me first. Snapping to, I salute him back and leave his office. I rush to my office trying to hide my teary eyes from curious stares. Safely tucked into my office I start to gather just a few odds and ends that need to go home with me. I hear his knock and know its him before I even look up.  
  
"Commander, did you need something?" I try hard not to let my voice waiver as I look around my office for anything else I might need. It hurts so much to look at him.  
  
He pauses long enough for me to know that he's trying to decide what to say. He seems to go for the non-hallmark moment as usual, "I had a question on Dawkins that you didn't put in your notes." I listen to his question and kindly point out that its in page 4 of my notes.  
  
"Oh, sorry. It just looked like you were getting ready to go and I wanted to make sure I was aware of everything."  
  
I nod my understanding and ask if there was anything else. I can see his internal struggle again. He moves to the door and I figure that's the end of it, but then he closes it and comes back to me. "Mac, I want to apologize for what I said about the whole Brumby thing last night."  
  
This man sucks at apologizing. His flyboy pride just won't let him be wrong. "Apology accepted." I raise my eyebrows and wait to see if there is anything more.  
  
"Mac you caught me off-guard last night. I didn't expect you to ask for an answer about us last night." He is walking around my office nervously and I realize the fact that he didn't expect my need for an answer after what happened is half of the problem. A snort of amazement that escapes me.  
  
"After what we shared last night, you didn't expect me to need some assurance that 'we' were going to move forward?" I'm getting angry again with him.  
  
"Mac, I thought we agreed that was a mistake?" I can't help the look of disgust I shoot him.  
  
"No, Harm. You decided it was a mistake." I can see the flash of anger in his eyes and realize I need to stop this now. "Commander, I have a plane to catch and I have a lot to do before I leave. I believe we are both clear on how each other feels and we aren't going to accomplish anything by yelling at each other. We simply need and want different things from each other. Let's leave it at that and move on."  
  
"You're right. I need more time and you don't care enough to give it to me." He turns from me and opens my door abruptly. Turning back he adds flippantly, "Have a nice trip, Colonel."  
  
The Admiral's holler stops me from telling him to go to hell. "Commander! My office, now!" I watch somewhat satisfied, as I know the Admiral is going to lay into him.  
  
As I walk out of the office with my briefcase, I can't help but take a long look around. I know it will probably be at least a few months before I'm back here. I smile as Gunny salutes and gives me a "Semper Fi, Colonel". Showing more courage than I feel I salute him back, square my shoulders, and walk out the doors hoping I can pull this off.  
  
Admiral's Office  
  
Rabb's POV**  
  
I've been standing at attention in front of the Admiral for what seems like forever. Mac could tell me exactly how long down to the seconds, but she's not here with me. He just keeps pacing in front of me, his anger barely contained. Stopping abruptly, he leans into me and I start to wish he had just kept pacing.  
  
"Rabb, what the hell is wrong with you? I expect more professional behavior from one of my top attorneys, but I don't think I've ever met anyone with their head buried so far up their six." Wait, I know he just shifted gears from what I just said to Mac to something else, but I'm not sure where he's going with it. Mac surely never would have said anything to him about last night.  
  
"Sir, the Colonel and I just had a small disagreement on a case. I apologize for my tone with her."  
  
"Bullshit, Rabb. This isn't about a case." I am suddenly very angry with Mac. She must have told him. She had no right. He can obviously read the anger on my face because he gets right back into my face.  
  
"Rabb, I don't know what your problem is, but you could have shown a little concern for what Mac is about to become involved in. As it is you have effectively made it clear to her that you don't give a damn about her. You should know better than anyone how easily things can go wrong."  
  
Now, I'm confused. I realize there is always trouble with Webb's cases but Mac distinctly gave me the impression that this was not a big deal. As I tell myself that I realize just how stupid I've been. That realization is obviously apparent to the Admiral as well because he backs off and sits down in his chair.  
  
"Sir, just what exactly is Mac getting involved with. She led me to believe that it was a very simple, rather uninvolved role that she would be playing."  
  
The admiral snorts his disgust at my naïve statement. "You know I can't give you the details, Rabb." His shift to a somber mood both startles and scares me, but his next words bring my world crashing down around me. "Its not when she's coming back that concerns me, Rabb. It's if she comes back." His words seem to form a noose around my throat and I try to understand what he's saying.  
  
IF she comes back? I fall to the chair in shock. A million thoughts swirling through my head; most of them centered around my cold parting words to Mac. "But why?"  
  
The Admiral seems to take pity on me for my stupidity. "Rabb, you know Mac. Her sense of duty and honor is one of the strongest I have ever seen. Accepting the assignment was completely up to her, but she was the best possible hope of success for this mission and she knew it."  
  
My only instinct at this point is to get to Mac so that I can set things right. So that I can beg her to forgive her, to tell her how I feel. "Sir, I need to..."  
  
The admiral looks at me hearing the desperation in my voice and then looks down at his watch. Shaking his head he looks back out his window. "Its too late, Rabb. She's already gone."  
  
"But, sir. I need to tell her. She has to know how I feel."  
  
"Sorry, Harm. You had your chance. You've had more chances with her than any man has a right to expect." The coldness of his statement is like a slap in the face. I know he's right. I know she waited for me longer than I ever had a right to ask, but I just needed a little bit more time.  
  
I walk numbly to my office, and Mac's words from yesterday haunt me. When I asked her if she was going to accept the mission, she told me that it depended on something. She never said what. I didn't understand at the time, but the realization of it hits me now. She was waiting to see what my answer was last night. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know she probably would have taken the mission even if I had said yes to us. But now I have no way of telling her that I do want 'us' and I have no way of knowing if she'll come back to me. What have I done?  
  
  
  
Harriet's POV*******  
  
I'll never understand the Commander. I'm worried about both him and the Colonel. How could he be so cold to her today when she was leaving for who knows how long? The admiral tried to pretend like it was some ordinary mission, but I could see the tension in his face and the Colonel's as well. When Colonel Mackenzie walked out of the Admiral's office she looked like she was about to cry, which is the part that scares me the most. She is the toughest woman I know. I've just watched the Commander walk into his office. Now he looks like he's about to cry and I can't help but wonder what just happened in the Admiral's office. I debate about bothering him, but he looks so lost right now.  
  
"Commander?" He is hunched over his desk with his head in his hands. He isn't openly crying, but I can see the tears on his face as he looks up at me. The scared lost look is intensified now and I find myself closing his door.  
  
"Harriet, what if she doesn't come back? What if I never get to tell her?" His last words are too much as the tears run down his face. I don't know what the Admiral told him, but now I know for certain that the Colonel isn't on any ordinary mission. He turns away from me and I know that if she doesn't come back, we'll lose him too. I try my best to comfort him. "Sir, she knows how you feel about her." My words seem to have the opposite effect as his face contorts with regret.  
  
"Not after last night, Harriet." His words leave me at a complete loss. I don't know what happened last night, but I now understand that the Colonel just left on a mission thinking that the man she loves with all of her heart doesn't love her back.  
  
3 weeks later  
  
Iraq: Sheik Al-Farabi's palace  
  
Mac's POV**  
  
I've been here for three weeks and I've got nothing to show for it. All I know is that I hate wearing these damn burquas, and I can't wait to get back home. I'm starting to think this whole mission has been a wash. Webb placed me into this wealthy Sheik's house because they suspected he was providing the financial backing to aid Bin Laden's group in buying nuclear weapons. And since the suspected sellers are Russian and I understand the language, I was the perfect person for the job. But so far, nothing; except for blatant sexual advances from every male in the household. Actually, if I'm honest with myself I am glad to be able to hide my looks behind this burqua. My cover is that of a poor and uneducated Iranian immigrant who was widowed and has no family to take care of me. This basically translates into being viewed as lower than the hired help, but I need to be invisible.  
  
I've tried to keep Harm out of my mind, but it hasn't been easy. His coldness and the look on his face when he told me to have a nice trip made it clear that I didn't have a future with him. He didn't even show any concern for my safety. I've ever been sure that he loved me, but I always thought he cared for me enough to worry. So much of what I thought I knew about Harm and I seems at odds with how he acted the day I left. It's those discrepancies that I've run through my mind a million times. There were so many times that I swear he felt something for me, but when it came down to it I just wasn't enough for him. And that always brings me to the same answer. Harm never loved me. I was just another in a long line of women that he wanted to keep around to meet his needs. At first I couldn't think about him without crying. Now, I just feel the deep ache and loss inside. In my dreams I can still feel him touching me, his lips against mine. The heat of his tongue as he slips it into my mouth... The memories are still so real that they make me ache with need.  
  
I try to stay focused by practicing my Arabic and Kurdish. Most of my co- workers don't know that since the September 11 attacks I have been learning both of the languages. The 'suggestion' came straight from the President that we focus on training military individuals on the Arabic culture and languages. Of course that made me a prime 'volunteer'. I didn't mind really, since I'm always looking for a chance to increase my language skills.  
  
Most of my time here is spent in some servant capacity. Right now I'm serving food to the men as they meet over matters of their oil wells. There's a new face today. He is young and handsome, probably in his late 20's. He's dressed extremely well and I'll bet he is Sheik Raihan's son. He's been watching me intently and I wonder at what is going through his mind. His attention makes me more than a little uneasy. His friend seems to notice his interest and makes a rather insulting remark towards me. I'm not supposed to understand since they only think I speak Farsi, but I'd like to ram my fist down his throat. The newcomer's response catches me by surprise as he glares at the other and rebukes him for his description of me. I raise my eyes to his and am shocked to see an apology in his eyes for his friends' remark. His eyes, remind me of someone. They are filled with kindness and compassion and I find myself staring a little too long. This doesn't go un-noticed and I watch as he quickly directs the topic of conversation to an agreement between his father and my 'employer' Sheik Al- Farabi that has come under some scrutiny. I spend the next 2 hours serving the men and catch his eyes on me repeatedly. Towards the end of the meeting I hear ranting in the hall and a man barges into the room. Its not his abrupt entrance that excites me but the fact that he is yelling in Russian. I barely catch his name as Sheik Al-Farabi orders him to be quiet. At that point I am excused as are the rest of the men, with the exception of the Russian.  
  
I try to keep myself busy where I can watch for his departure. Finally, he leaves after an hour. I make my excuses that I need to go to the market and follow him into the city as far as possible without raising suspicion. Luckily it isn't long before he goes into a hotel and doesn't come out immediately. Yes, this is the break I am waiting for. Slowly, I make my way back to the market. Pausing at different carts, I try to make a good show of looking for just the right fruits. As I reach my contact, I slide the tiny slip of paper with the man's name and the hotel he is staying at in with the money and take my purchases back to the Sheik's. Now, I have to hope that Webb can pull off the rest. If he's successful, hopefully I can get out of here. Being completely isolated from any backup has me uneasy. For the last week, I've been dreaming that one day I'll just disappear and no one will be able to find me. The thought sends chills down my spine..  
  
Same day  
  
Jag HQ  
  
Harm's office  
  
She's only been gone three weeks, but it feels like a lifetime. I keep expecting to be able to look across the hall and see her working intently at her desk. The attorney assigned temporarily in her place is ok, but nowhere near Mac's abilities. Funny how you notice the little things when they're taken away from you. I've been staring at a picture for the last few minutes that I found last night at my apt. It's a picture of Sergei, Mac, and I taken at a county fair that we took him too. Sergei has the biggest smile on his face, but Mac is just looking at me softly. Her eyes are filled with love and a soft smile graces her features. My chest constricts as I think again of what I have done. What I didn't tell Mac that night was that I was mostly afraid of losing her if we didn't work out. I let her think it was my career or flying, because I was too scared to admit how much the thought of losing her scared me.  
  
Over the last few weeks, I've realized how much she makes me what I am. I'm not sure when she became so tightly woven into the fabric of the man that I am. But if I'm honest, she has been my rock for years. I always thought that it was me taking care of her for the most part. Being there for her during her Article 32 and a dozen other smaller things I have done for her. I sound incredibly arrogant even to myself. While she's gone I'm trying to take a harder look at who I am, so that when she comes back I can give her everything she has ever wanted. I just have to keep praying that she will come back, and that she'll be willing to give me a chance when she does. You could say I am a desperate man, and you would be right.  
  
End Chapter 2 


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to those who left the nice reviews after I got flamed!! I'll post chapter 4 tomorrow!!  
  
Disclaimers in Part 1  
  
Title: Chapter 3: Unfinished Business  
  
Author: Nala (wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)  
  
7 months later  
  
Sheik Al-Farabi's Palace  
  
It's been 7 months since I slipped that first bit of information to my contact. I'm getting tired of this charade, but we don't have enough information to determine who all of the major players are. There has also been talk of one of Bin Laden's top men coming to Al-Farabi's palace to help make plans for a large attack on American interests. Fortunately, my information allowed Webb to stop the first attempt by Al-Farabi to gain the nuclear warhead. But the danger is still too real and I've become too invaluable on the inside. So far no one has really paid me any attention, except Sheik Raihan's son, Jabir. He always watches quietly, but has never spoken to me directly. At first his constant attention scared me. I thought maybe he was onto me. But the look in his eyes isn't one of suspicion. He actually seems kind, which I tell myself is a mistake to think. If I let my guard down, it could easily cost me my life.  
  
My life? I wonder what is left of that? I've been here so much longer than I would have thought and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I've been wondering lately what everyone is involved in and how they are doing. I'll bet lil AJ is getting so big. Ok, I'm having a self pity moment. I can't help but wonder if they miss me? Harm, especially. Is he dating anyone? Yeah, probably another blonde bimbo. Hell, at this rate he could be married with kids by the time I get back. The thought brings painful images to my mind.  
  
My distraction causes me to almost overfill a glass of wine and I silently curse my carelessness. Once again I feel his eyes on me, but today his usual look of kindness has been replaced with something else. Something more primal. I can feel the heat of his gaze as he follows my movements around the room. As I come to serve him, he lightly strokes my hand. I raise my eyes to his in surprise and I see the hunger and desire there. What shocks me most is my own reaction as his fingers trail a hot path down my hand. I barely suppress a shiver of desire and move quickly to serve the man sitting next to him. The rest of the meeting is torture as I feel him once again follow my movements through the room. I silently rebuke myself for feeling so much when he touched me. I can't allow myself to be distracted by those kinds of feelings.  
  
The knock at the door is a welcome distraction and I notice with some shock that Sheik Raihan and another man enter the room. Sheik Raihan hasn't been here for months since his son has been coming in his place. It's been my opinion that Al-Farabi isn't the one fronting most of the money. This suspicion and the need to know who is the major player, is one of the reasons I am still here. Raihan really is the more plausible key figure in this. Al-Farabi again dismisses everyone and I leave the room, noticing that Jabir stays behind. I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get back into that room, when suddenly the door opens and I'm called back in. My stomach clenches as I wonder what could possibly be wanted of me. Al- Farabi orders me to remove the plates and dishes from the room and I nod and set to work. Fortunately, they are speaking mostly in Russian. I try to appear uninterested and deaf to the conversation, as I gather the remnants of the last meeting. My heart beats excitedly as I realize they are making plans for another buy. From what I am hearing, Sheik Raihan is definitely the one organizing and arranging the buy. This confirmation should help us track down the money trail and find others involved. Mentally I'm filing every word away so that I can slip it to my contact later. I try to fill the tray so that I can have the excuse of one more trip. As I hurry back out and in I notice that the meeting has concluded and only Jabir sits in the room. I silently swear to myself as I realize the third man has left and I don't know who he is. At least I have the meeting time and place. Hopefully that will be enough. I try to quickly remove the rest of the dishes as I feel Jabir's eyes on me.  
  
"Amirah" My name is barely a whisper on his lips. I freeze as I realize he is standing just behind me. My mind races as I try to think of how to take my leave without angering him. I've learned in the meetings that he gets what he wants as the Sheik's son. He has always been considerate of others, without being too demanding. But no one denies him something he wants. I vaguely realize he is speaking to me in Farsi as he moves to face me. His eyes capture mine again and I have a hard time concentrating on how to get out of the room. Unless you've been subjected to wearing a burqua, you could never understand how dehumanizing these garments are to a woman. They make you invisible and undesirable. And right now, I am neither to the man standing in front of me and I can't help the desire that races through me. What is happening to me?  
  
"Amirah, do you know your name means princess?" I shake my head slightly not trusting my voice at this point. "I see strength in your eyes, and intelligence." As he moves closer, he traces his finger down my jaw and I hear the fabric rustle under his fingers. "It is such a shame that you must cover your beauty like this. Perhaps you will let me see your face?" As he says it I feel his fingers lift the material up and away from me. The warning bells are going off in my head. Move, do something! But what? I'm a marine, but I can't exactly flip him and walk away. This is a whole different game I am playing.  
  
As he uncovers my face, I see a smile tug at his mouth. His lips look so soft and inviting. The feelings Jabir is awakening in me frighten me. I stand here still frozen not knowing how to get out of this situation. He moves his hand to once again caress my face with his fingers, but this time there are no barriers between us. My eyes flutter closed as he lightly touches my lips and I swallow a moan of pleasure. "Do you know what else I see in your eyes?" His question makes me force my eyes back open as I wait for him to finish. "So much pain. You have been betrayed by love?" How can he possibly see that in my eyes? How can this man whom I've never said a word to read me so well? The thought scares me and excites me at the same time. I watch as Jabir studies me intently for a few moments more.  
  
"Will you say nothing to me? Will you not let me hear the way my name sounds on your lips?" How he can make that simple request sound so incredibly sexual, is a mystery to me. I realize he wants me to say something and my alarm must register as he looks closer at me. "Are you afraid of me, Amirah?" My half nod seems to cause him discomfort at the thought that I would fear him. As he starts to move closer again I hear his father and Al-Farabi talking as they move towards the room. Jabir quickly replaces my burqua and moves away. I take that as my cue to gather the remaining dishes and exit just as the other two men enter the room from another door. My first objective is to get the information to my contact, but I know it is too late to go to the market without arising suspicion. Retiring to my tiny room I lay down exhausted and remove the heavy garments. The look in his eyes are burned into my mind. My lips still tingle from the feel of his fingers. I groan in frustration as I try to go to sleep, but my dreams are filled with Jabir's touch.  
  
Next morning.  
  
As soon as I can, I make my way to the market and spend the usual time looking through the different vendor's carts. I always try to buy something from other carts to make sure that if someone is watching it will look normal. As I reach my contact, I make a pretense of bartering with him and then after agreeing upon a price I slip him the money and tiny slip of information. Once again, I can only pray they get the information in time. As I make my way back through the market I sense that I am being watched and icy fear pricks the back of my neck. Damn it, if my contact is discovered both of our lives will be over before Webb can even think of getting to us. I feel my heart speed up as I try to pick my way through the carts, stopping at different ones. As I'm looking at some finely woven scarves I hold them up while trying to look around to find my tail. I think I see someone duck around a corner but I can't be certain. Do I go back to Al-Fabir's place? I can't exactly run to the nearest American embassy since there aren't any in Iraq. I mentally go through my options while I continue to look at different scarves, all the while trying to keep my breathing under control. I know I have no choice but to return to Al- Fabir's. As I put the scarf back down, I hear Jabir's voice negotiating the sale of the scarf I was looking at. I turn to him in surprise as he completes the sale and then hands it to me. I know my eyes must show my confusion because he just laughs softly and tells me that I should have something beautiful to match my eyes. He walks away with me holding the scarf and I stare after him.  
  
I'm admittedly confused at his actions. This is the last place I expected to find kindness and the type of attention he is showing me. I'm not saying that all the men are cruel here, because that isn't true. But women hold a lower place in most of this society. Sure the Quran talks of equality between the sexes, but something seems to get lost in the actual implementation of it. What makes me more wary is that I am in one of the lowest social classes of their system, while he enjoys one of the highest roles. The only logical explanation is that something must be going on. I mentally go through everything I have done trying to determine if I have blown my cover. I am sure now that he was the one watching me in the market and I can only hope that he doesn't know about my contact.  
  
  
  
The last few days have been agonizing as I wait, certain that I will be discovered. The thought to pass my contact word that we may be exposed has entered my mind a hundred times, but I can't risk going to see him if someone is watching. I have woken in a cold sweat the last 3 nights with nightmares of torture and death. Today I hope to find out if Webb was successful in getting my information. I know the exchange was to take place last night and I should be able to tell if Al-Fabir was successful. I haven't seen Jabir since that day in the market, but as I walk into the room to serve the men I sense his eyes on me immediately. I can also tell that Al-Fabir is barely containing his anger as he keeps looking at Jabir suspiciously. Half way through the meeting I get the answer I was waiting for as Sheik Raihan bursts into the room shouting at Al-Fabir. The best I can tell they are accusing each other of leaking the information for the exchange, which was unsuccessful again. The confirmation makes me incredibly relieved. The shouting gets louder as Jabir rises to his father's defense that he would never betray his friends. A strange feeling of fear for Jabir enters me as I realize that Al-Fabir is now accusing him of leaking the information. Al-Fabir quickly points out that the first botched attempt happened the first day that Jabir started to come in his father's place. I stand frozen again as everyone but Jabir, and the two sheiks exit the room. I slowly make my way to one of the back doors as I hear Sheik Raihan explode at Al-Fabir in anger. Watching these men interact for 7 months has shown me that Sheik Raihan holds a slightly more powerful and influential position in society than Al-Fabir does. I quietly slip to the door as I hear Raihan demand an apology and 'some sort of payment or retribution' for his accusation against his son. His request for payment catches me completely off-guard as I realize they are both waiting for Jabir to make his demands. The tension in the room grows and my heart completely stops as I hear my name.  
  
I am halfway out the door and I'm pretty sure they can't see me. As I slip out the rest of the way I hear Jabir demand that I be given to him as payment. The last I hear is his father trying to talk him out of it, not understanding what he could want with a servant. I breathe in relief as I realize they didn't notice my exit and rush to my room. I have to leave now or I know I won't get out of this country. I gather a few tiny things and hide them under my heavy garments, intending to go to the market and then hide wherever if needed. I walk as calmly as I can towards the servants exit when I hear my name. I stop and turn slowly to see Jabir and the two sheiks staring at me. I keep my eyes downward as I wait for them to explain, hoping that Jabir's request hasn't been approved. My mouth goes dry as I hear Sheik Al-Fabir inform me that I have been 'given' to Jabir and will leave with him immediately. His father takes one look at me and walks away with Al-Fabir, leaving me alone with Jabir.  
  
"Amirah, you don't need to fear me. I won't hurt you." As he guides me with him I feel my last hope for freedom shrinking away in the background. I realize my nightmares of disappearing are coming true. How will Webb find me now?  
  
Friday 5 days later Harm's office  
  
It's been 8 months since Mac left for this mission. Everyday I've hoped to hear the news that she would be returning. And everyday I've waited in vain. From the little that the Admiral has shared I know that she has already helped them stop two attempts to purchase nuclear warheads from different Russian groups. I found out through my own sources that she is actually in Iraq. Iraq, where there are no US embassies and a mad man reigns in power. Now I understand why the Admiral was so unsure that she would return from this mission. If her cover is blown, there is no one to help her.  
  
2 months ago she was officially re-assigned to the State department indefinitely and I'm starting to think I'll never see her sweet smile again. I spend hours staring at pictures of her, but when I close my eyes I can only see the pain etched into her beautiful face. Pain that I am solely responsible for. I would give anything to hold her in my arms and tell her that I love her. I realized that I do and there isn't anything more important than being with her. Hell, I realized that as soon as the Admiral told me that he didn't know if Mac would come back. It's pathetic that it took losing her to make me see how much I need her in my life.  
  
Harriet and Bud miss her and worry about her constantly. They're always asking if I've heard anything. Whenever I see lil AJ he asks me where Aun Mac is. Harriet told me he prays every night that she will come back and play with him. I didn't tell them but I pray every night for her too. Some nights I have the most incredible dreams about us. She's in my arms and her skin is so soft against mine. Her face is filled with love for me as I caress her. Other nights I have nightmares as my harsh words to her echo through my ears. If I'm honest, it's mostly the nightmares that I have.  
  
Work seems empty without her. It's not just me either. I've heard others comment on how things have changed since she's been gone. I'll bet Mac would never believe me if I told her. She always saw herself as less important than she was. My melancholy is disrupted as I see Webb make his first appearance in 8 months. I know he's called the Admiral several times with updates, but I don't think he's talked to him in person. I tried getting information out of him at first as well, but I got the same answer every time. "It's classified"  
  
I feel Webb's nervousness as he enters the bullpen and looks towards Mac's old office and then mine. He quickly looks away from me but in that instant I see fear in his eyes. I start to go after him, but he escapes quickly into the Admiral's office. At first everything is quiet, but then I hear a crash and the Admiral is yelling loudly at Webb. I can't tell exactly what is being said but the whole bullpen has stopped with the noise going on in the Admiral's office. Moments later Webb walks out holding his eye and beats a hasty retreat out of the office. As he is leaving the Admiral yells after him. "You sure as hell better find her Webb or I will make you regret the day you asked for her help." Looking around he glares at everyone and barks at them to get back to work. Harriet, Bud and I are frozen as we realize that he has to be talking about Mac. Just as the admiral gets to his office door, he calls for us to come in.  
  
The silence stretches on forever as I watch the Admiral try to control his emotions. He's been extra irritable while Mac has been gone. Mostly I think he's just worried about her, but I can see some guilt at allowing her to take the assignment. As he slips into his chair, he motions for us to sit as well. As he drops his head in his hands, my heart sinks further at his hopelessness.  
  
"Sir?" Harriet quietly speaks up. "Is this about Colonel Mackenzie?"  
  
"Yes Lt." The admiral looks at each of us and I can see the pain in his eyes. He turns away from us as he relates the news from Webb. "Colonel Mackenzie has disappeared. No one knows where she is or if she is even still alive." His last statement brings a gasp from Harriett and I watch as the Admiral silently berates himself for sharing that last bit.  
  
I feel numb as I hear the Admiral tell us that Mac is missing. I listen as he explains that she had been placed in the home of a sheik we suspected was fronting the money for the nuclear arms sales. The only information they have is that there was a confrontation at the Sheiks home after the second botched arms deal and now Mac is missing. Not knowing if her cover has been blown they can't overtly ask too many questions, and she was the only inside operative so there is no other source from which to get information.  
  
The admiral turns away again and I hear Harriet crying as Bud tries to comfort her. Hearing her distress, he turns back to her. "We all know how tough she is and if there is anyone who can make it out of this it is her. I'm not giving up on her so I don't expect you to either."  
  
I hear a muffled "yes, sir" from Harriet and I know I should say something but I'm still numb. Mac is gone?  
  
"Is there anything we can do to help, Sir?" Bud quietly asks  
  
"Not right now, but I'll let you know." Bud silently gains permission from his CO and he gently escorts Harriet to his office where he can comfort her in private.  
  
I'm still sitting here trying to accept what I've been told. I vaguely register the Admiral's eyes on me.  
  
"Rabb, when we find her I want you with the team that goes to pick her up."  
  
I give a half nod and as I stand up he moves in front of me. "Dammit, Rabb. Don't you dare give up on her. We will find her. Do you understand me?"  
  
"Yes, sir." I wait for him to dismiss me and stop at my office just long enough to pick up my briefcase and cover. I hear whispers as I walk out the door but mostly all I hear is the Admiral telling me that she's missing and doesn't even know if she is still alive.  
  
I'm not sure how I made it home, but I proceed to get completely drunk once I'm safely in my apartment. Right now I can't deal with all the voices in my head. I keep relieving all the chances I've had with her that I let slip through my fingers. I keep seeing the hope in her eyes and then the pain, as I tell her not yet time after time.  
  
END CHAPTER 3 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Unfinished Business  
  
Author: Nala (wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimers in Part 1  
  
Reminder: All conversation between Mac (Amirah) and Jabir are in Arabic  
  
Baghdad  
  
Jabir Raihan's palace  
  
4 months later (1 year since mission start) Mac's POV***  
  
I awake slowly to light streaming through my windows. I wander out to the verandah and realize I have been with Jabir for 4 months now. As I sit here, my mind floats back to when we first arrived and my surprise at his home. It was more Western in culture than I would have expected from Sheik Raihan's son. As he saw my reaction he laughed softly and explained that he had been sent to school at Harvard and had brought back some American tastes. The raise of my eyebrows at his admission made him laugh more as he gently told me that he wasn't like his father in every way. In four months I have never left the grounds of his estate, but at least he hasn't made me wear the cumbersome garments I hate so much. He told me that I was beautiful and shouldn't be hidden away. Of course in the same breath he told me that no other man was to look upon me and so when he has meetings I stay in a back room.  
  
I fully expected him to demand sex from me, but he made it clear almost immediately that he would only have me when I was ready to come to him freely. It was then that I knew my physical safety was probably not in any immediate danger. So far, he has lived up to his promise. He kisses me goodnight and then lets me go to my own bed, alone each night. He has never hinted or pushed me in any way. He just seems content to wait for me to come to him. I have been fighting my feelings the entire time I have been here. It was a full month before I even spoke to him. As I think about that first month I can't help but smile at his patience with me. Closing my eyes I can still see the look of pleasure when I finally said his name in response to a question he asked. It was only something simple, but he seemed overjoyed.  
  
My first few months were filled with thoughts of how to escape, but without any contacts I know I am safer staying with Jabir until an opportunity arises. I can't help the pain at the knowledge that my friends have no idea where I am or probably if I am even alive. It's been a year and some of their faces are even fading from my memory. The thought scares me, but somewhere in the back of my mind I'm not sure I'm ever going to make it home. Don't get me wrong; I'll take the opportunity if it arises. But no one even knows where I am and I know they can't exactly ask around for me. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about Harm. I still miss him, but it's been a year and the pain is starting to fade. The sting of his rejection and the hurt from the men in my past is slowly being replaced with the quiet love of Jabir. This knowledge scares me. I know its foolish and dangerous to allow myself to care for him, given the circumstances. I constantly remind myself that he is the enemy I came to destroy. It is his and his father's money that is being offered to purchase the weapons that could bring death to so many Americans. And up until the last 2 weeks I've been able to think of him only as my captor, but I can feel my walls breaking as he continues to shower me with attention. As I sit here waging a ware with myself, I feel his presence beside me.  
  
"Amirah, I feel the conflict within you. You still do not completely trust me. What can I do to prove myself to you?" As I look across at him I can see the sincerity in his eyes. I can't help but wonder if I should ask the question that has been burning in my mind. I know I am probably risking my life, but I have to know what kind of a man he is. My future depends on it.  
  
"Jabir, How can I not fear a man who would be willing to help his father kill so many innocent people because he doesn't agree with how they live?" I can see the shock and then suspicion in his eyes as he realizes I am talking about the weapons his father tried to get twice. Damage control, Marine. "Jabir, I was there the day that your father and Al-Fabir argued over who the traitor was. I saw you defend your father. I heard him talk about it his plans."  
  
My explanation seems to mollify him for the moment and I watch him grow silent. His silence lasts for 5 minutes and 22 seconds before he turns back to me. I watch as he sits across from me and softly takes my hands into his. "Amirah, I defended my father that day because it is my duty. That does not mean that I agree with him and what he plans to do." He sees the questions in my eyes and once again I am amazed at how well he knows me. Standing up I watch him pace in front of me looking out over the gardens. "I have fought with him many times over his plans. I have tried to tell him of the many good people in America, but he does not believe me. He tells me that my time there has tainted me and that I have become weak. Amirah, my father is a very powerful man. I cannot afford to cross him." There is a slight tinge of fear in his voice.  
  
I can feel his eyes on me, waiting for my response. I study him intently and find that I believe him. There is too much goodness in him for me to think otherwise. I sigh in relief while at the same time part of me had hoped he would tell me that he agreed with his father. Why? Because I know it is going to make it harder for me to shut him out, knowing he isn't the enemy at all. If things were different I could fall in love with this man, but something in the back of my head tells me I am anyway.  
  
He is still watching me, waiting for my answer. I'm not sure what to say. Telling him that he has to resist his father will only endanger my life more. Rising to stand in front of him, I softly kiss his lips. He waits patiently to see what I will do and I surprise myself by deepening the kiss. I feel the need and desire race through me as he pulls me to him. The hard planes of his chest press against me. He loosens the sheer robe from around me and lets it fall to the floor as he moves his mouth to kiss my neck. He softly kisses his way from my neck to my shoulder. I can't help my moan of pleasure at the sensation. His touch feels so good. He moves his mouth back to mine and our kiss becomes more passionate. As his hand caresses my skin, I am instantly reminded of that last night with Harm and I tense at the thought. I feel Jabir pull away from me and he tenderly looks into my eyes. I can see the need in his and I wonder at his ability and patience to wait.  
  
"You are not yet ready, Amirah." He pulls me close and holds me tenderly.  
  
"Jabir, how can you be so patient with me. Does another fill your bed?" At my question he pulls back and I'm lost in the love I see there.  
  
"No, Amirah. I wait for you." Seeing my disbelief he kisses me softly and I feel my resolve start to crumble. I cry softly in his arms as I try to understand why he thinks I am so special. No one has ever treated me this way and I'm finding it a little hard to believe. I wasn't enough for Harm. I don't know if I've ever felt good enough for anyone. As I continue to cry, Jabir whispers soothing words and holds me safe in his embrace; and I find myself falling a little more in love with him.  
  
2 months later (14 months since mission start)  
  
JAG HQ  
  
Harm's office  
  
It's been six months since Sarah disappeared. I realize idly that I think of her as Sarah now, instead of Mac. I'm not sure why, but it makes me feel closer to her. Maybe because when I called her that I was really telling her I loved her. There hasn't been any word on her since she disappeared. Last week the Admiral told me they had officially listed her as MIA. In a few moments the entire staff will be gathering at Arlington cemetery for a memorial service. Part of me is angry that everyone is willing to write her off already. Logically I know there is little chance that she could have survived for 6 months in Iraq. If her cover was blown she probably was beaten and tortured to try and get information out of her. The thought makes me sick and sometimes I can hear her screams in my sleep.  
  
I cleaned out her apartment yesterday and took a lot of it to mine so that I could be reminded of her. I just couldn't bear to throw any of it away. The rest of her things are sitting in storage just in case. Along with her vette. I tell myself that she could still come back, and if she does I want her to have all of her things. I brought a lot of her pictures to my office. Even though she's gone, her smile and those deep brown eyes surround me.  
  
The sound of my mother's voice surprises me. I'm sure the Admiral told her about the ceremony, but I never expected her to come. I can see the concern in her eyes. Everyone looks at me the same way. They all know what I did. Most were around to hear my spiteful goodbye, my last words to her. I rise to follow my mom and join the rest of the group as we head towards the cemetery.  
  
1 hour later Arlington National Cemetery  
  
Harriet's POV***  
  
I can't believe she's really gone. It doesn't seem real or possible. The first 8 months she was undercover I watched as Commander Rabb waited anxiously for her return. The admiral seemed to always be waiting for her return as well. For weeks he would still call her name at staff meeting when making case assignments. Since he told us she was missing he has withdrawn, like the Commander has. I know Commander Rabb feels guilty for the way he treated her before she left. I don't quite understand what is eating at the Admiral, but I'm sure he feels responsible for letting her take the assignment.  
  
I watch as people continue to crowd around the tiny white marker they arranged for her to honor another fallen in the service of her country. Bud and I tried to explain to AJ that his Aunt Mac had gone to heaven, but that's just too much for him to comprehend. Every time he asks for her my heart breaks a little more. I am surprised that Webb has shown up. I was angry with him at first, but I know he's just trying to protect his country in his own way.  
  
Harm, Bud, the Admiral, and myself are all seated on the front row while Chloe and her dad stand just off to the left. Poor Chloe, this has been so hard on her. I know she talked about Mac as her sister, but Mac was really the mother Chloe never had. Mac would be embarrassed and probably surprised at how many have shown up today. I'm glad Commander Rabb's mom came. He has been so quiet and withdrawn I'm starting to get really worried about him. I think he's in denial. I know he's still waiting for her to walk through his door and tease him about his lunch or something else. I think we all are. I watch as full military honors are given and the flag is carefully folded. My eyes tear up as the honor guard stops with the flag in front of Commander Rabb. He seems shocked and isn't moving. The Admiral leans over quietly and lets him know that she would want him to have it. He stares back at the flag and I realize that if he takes it he's admitting that he's lost her. I don't think he's been able to do that yet. Slowly he reaches for the flag and I see his shoulders start to shake, unable to hide his pain any longer. His mother reaches down to comfort him, but there's nothing to be said that will ease his pain. The Admiral has arranged for a few of us to share some thoughts and memories about her and he stands up first, looking out over the crowd. I hear the tremor in his voice as he starts to speak.  
  
"We're here to honor Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie who died in the service of her country. I've had the pleasure of commanding some fine officers during my time as JAG, but none finer than Sarah Mackenzie. She was a credit to the corp. The thing that I respected most about her was her unwavering duty to her country. She knew going into this mission that there was a high likelihood she wouldn't return. She did it anyway and consequentially saved thousands of lives. Her selfless act will always be remembered and honored in the highest tradition of the Armed Forces." I am surprised to see the Secnav join the Admiral in front of us. I watch as he hands the Admiral a box and my heart aches even more as the Admiral stands in front of Rabb to present him with the Purple Heart awarded posthumously to the Colonel. As the commander reverently takes the award I hear Chloe start to sob. The admiral takes his seat and nods to me.  
  
I know I'm not going to get through this without crying so I don't even try. "Mac was the sister that I always wished I had. She was unfailingly loyal and supportive. When baby Sarah died she checked on me every day to make sure I was ok. Most of the time I just cried on her shoulder, but she never complained." I'm barely holding it together as I think of all the times Mac has been there to help me or Bud. My mind latches onto a happy thought and I struggle to share it with those around me. "I remember the time she ran interference for me with my mother at my wedding. If she hadn't been there I probably would have tossed my mother out of the church. Anyone who has met my mother would understand." I smile as I hear a few soft laughs in the crowd. " I know Mac would be amazed that I'm not calling her Colonel right now. It seems like Bud and I never could get that down while she was here. And I know that she would want us to be happy and only remember the good times, but I am going to miss her so much." I dissolve into tears as I sit down and hear my son's quiet voice asking where Aun Mac is. I hear others start to cry at his innocent question. A few others stand up to share both humorous stories as well as touching displays of friendship. I wait, wondering if Commander Rabb is going to get up. I don't expect him to, and am surprised as I hear him rise to the front. He's quiet for a few moments as he struggles with what to say.  
  
"I don't need to tell any of you how loyal or brave Sarah was. And I could go on for hours about the times she saved my six or someone else's, but I won't. I can only share with you now what I was never able to share with her while she was here." I can see the tears streaming down his face as he leans down towards the simple marker. "Sarah, I love you. I'm sorry you never heard me say it, but I love you and I will never stop. There isn't room for anyone else in my heart." I am openly balling as I watch him stand back, salute her grave, and then silently return to his seat. I know he will be seated here for hours after everyone else has left, trying to make peace with the memories that still haunt him.  
  
4 months later (18 months since mission start)  
  
Jabir Raihan's Palace Mac's POV***  
  
Today is my wedding day and its nothing like I imagined it would be. Harriet isn't here to help me with my dress and the Admiral can't give me any last minute marriage advice. I have to smile at the memory of the last time he tried to do that when I was marrying Mic. The way that went it's probably a good thing he isn't here. And Harm is not the one who will be looking back at me as I pledge myself to another. At one time that thought was unbearable, but now it barely causes a flicker of sadness. Jabir has replaced all of the pain with happiness and that is only one of the reasons I fell in love with him. As Jabir held me that night as I cried, I knew I had found what I had hoped Harm would be the one to give to me. Jabir gave me his love and acceptance. He gave me himself without fear; without reservation.  
  
Part of me feels guilty for moving on with my life when I know my loved ones at home must think I'm dead. I have struggled with finding a way to let them know I'm ok, but everything is censored and monitored in this country. I keep hoping that I'll still get the chance to go home, but I feel even that hope starting to slip from me. I'll be going downstairs in a few moments and I take the opportunity to really look at myself. As I stare into the mirror, I see someone other than Sarah Mackenzie staring back. Her hair is longer and her clothes are different. But mostly I see the change in my bearing and countenance. It's hard to think of myself as a marine anymore. I haven't worn the uniform for a year and a half. I wonder if this makes me a traitor to my country, but I know that I would still die defending it. My thoughts are interrupted as I hear one of the servants knock softly at my door and I know its time.  
  
As I look across at Jabir I am overwhelmed with how much I love him. He has showed me so much kindness, but more than that he makes me feel whole. Part of me rationalizes that I am giving myself a better guarantee of safety if I become his wife. But I know that isn't why I accepted his proposal. He is a good man and he makes me happy. I know we won't be going anywhere for a honeymoon. I still don't totally understand why he seems to keep my hidden away, but I know that his father isn't happy with his decision. He felt it wasn't proper for a sheik's son to marry a servant. As he calls my name softly, my attention is drawn back to Jabir. I smile back and listen quietly as I become Amirah Raihan.  
  
2 months later (20 months since mission start)  
  
Jabir Raihan's Palace Mac's POV**  
  
I'm nervous with excitement as Jabir tells me that we are going to Kuwait for a short trip to check on some of his father's business adventures. I know Kuwait has an American embassy not far from where we will be staying. There must be some way to contact Webb while I'm there. Thankfully Jabir mistakes my excitement for just the desire to travel off the estate with him. I only half listen as he says he will arrange for my passport and tells me we will be leaving next week.  
  
I sit in my room trying to come up with a plan. I know Jabir will be busy with meetings part of the day and I can only hope that I'll be allowed to go shopping during those times. That should allow for the perfect opportunity to slip something to one of the Marine guards at the embassy gates. If I can just let Webb know where I'm at, he can come and get me. As I sit contemplating my freedom, I'm suddenly faced with the fact that I will have to leave Jabir. The tiny voice in my head asks me if I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness for my freedom and I can't say for sure that I am. Maybe I can stay and Webb can at least let them know that I am safe. Is that what I want? I could just stay undercover, right? I know that the last few months with Jabir have changed me. I feel happier and more content with myself. Something I was always trying to obtain, but always seemed just out of my grasp. Now that I have it, I am scared to let go even if it does mean I can return to my friends.  
  
END CHAPTER 4  
  
From your reviews I think I have a few of you worried.. Repeat after me. Nala is a Harm/Mac shipper.. All roads lead BACK to a happy Harm/Macdom. But how do they get there??? Gotta read it to find out... =0)  
  
OH, someone told me my story had parallels to another: Scars like rain and frozen thoughts. All I can say is I haven't read it, but I hope it isn't too similar. That's no fun. =0( 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Chapter 5: Unfinished Business  
  
Author: Nala (nala@fanfiction.net)  
  
Disclaimers in Part 1.  
  
1 week later  
  
CIA headquarters  
  
Clayton Webb's office (and of course his POV**)  
  
I know everyone thinks I'm wasting my time, but I have managed to get a copy of every passport or Visa request out of Iraq for the last year that Mac has been missing. My gut still tells me that she's out there somewhere. As I flip through to the last one I almost can't believe what I'm looking at. My eyes are tired and I have to rub them to clear my vision. That has to be Mac. Her hair is longer and there is something different in her eyes, but I know that has to be her. As I look closer at the name, I realize she's kept the same first name that I gave her, but her last name is different. Raihan, where do I know that name? I flip frantically through my files and stop in shock as I realize she is married to Sheik Raihan's only son, Jabir. Holy shit, Mac! What happened? How did you end up married, to him? I debate about calling the Admiral, but I need to confirm for myself that it's really her first. After what I have put them through, I'm not going to get their hopes up unnecessarily. Her Visa says she should be in Kuwait 4 more days. Plenty of time I tell myself as I grab a few items and make arrangements for transportation to Kuwait.  
  
Next day  
  
Kuwait City  
  
I'm exhausted and I haven't slept in over 48 hours, the last 4 of which have included sitting across from the hotel Mac is supposedly staying at. My vision sharpens as I see a man exit the building that matches Jabir's photo. He has a woman with him but all that damn clothing makes it hard to tell if it's Mac. I take up a good pace behind them and watch the couple together. As soon as I hear her voice I know its her, even as she speaks in Arabic. I am amazed at how good her Arabic is as she flawlessly talks with Jabir, but then I guess it has been over 20 months since this damn operation started. I keep following them; waiting for my chance to let Mac know that I'm here. As I stay just behind them I'm starting to get concerned. I've seen couples in love and I've seen the best agents faking it. I know how to tell the difference. As I watch, it's obvious to me that Mac and Jabir are in love. I watch carefully for signs that she is just playing along, but there aren't any. The look in her eyes and the soft smile she gets when he talks to her is convincing proof. It's not just Mac either. Jabir is completely taken with her. Warning bells start to go off in my mind and I wonder if somehow Mac has been turned. I feel guilty for even thinking it, but I've seen a lot of stranger things in my time with the CIA. If I contact her and she's turned my life isn't worth diddly, but I know that I owe her the benefit of the doubt.  
  
I see my opportunity as Jabir moves off to negotiate with a street vendor. Walking up quietly, I softly whisper "Mac". I expected her to tense or something but she doesn't acknowledge me at all. "Mac?" I try again and move to the side of her so that she is aware of my presence. Still no response to her name. I know its her; what the hell is going on? It's my staring that finally gets her attention and I watch as she looks at me and then moves her eyes past. At first I think she doesn't even recognize me but I hear her quietly gasp and look back to me.  
  
She mumbles something to me quietly in Arabic, but my skills aren't that good. She can see the confusion on my face but I can tell she doesn't know what is wrong. As I notice her husband returning, I slip her a tiny piece of paper and walk away. It has my secure # on it with no other identifying information so if its found there shouldn't be too many suspicions raised. I watch from a distance as she kisses Jabir softly and walks into another shop.  
  
The whole experience has me completely freaked out. First she doesn't recognize her own name and then she mumbles at me in Arabic like I should understand her. I know strange things happen to your identity when you're undercover this long, but seeing it happen to someone you know is unsettling. I idly wonder if she will even contact me. Damn, what if she doesn't? What does that mean?  
  
Given what I've seen, I'm dreading the call to AJ. What if I've found her just to expose her as a traitor?  
  
About the same time {ignore the whole time zone thing, will ya? =0) }  
  
JAG HQ  
  
Admiral Chegwidden's office  
  
Admiral's POV***  
  
"Rabb, what the hell were you thinking going after a 2 star like that?" As I'm chewing him out for his stunt yesterday in the courtroom I know I am silently grateful that he even pulled it. It might mean that I have my top lawyer back. Since Mac has been gone, he has been withdrawn, barely doing his duty at work. I really thought that we lost him after she was declared MIA and we had the memorial service. As I begin to yell at him more Tiner buzzes through.  
  
"Tiner, I thought I told you to hold my calls."  
  
"Yes sir, but its Webb and he says its urgent Admiral." Tiner's statement gets my attention as well as Rabb's. "Put him through Tiner."  
  
"Webb, what the hell do you want? If you think I am going to lend you any other officers for your damn missions you are out of your mind." That felt good. I have wanted to do worse to him more than once since Mac disappeared. The only satisfaction I got was giving him the black eye when he told me that Mac had gone missing.  
  
I put him on speakerphone just to irritate him but his words shock the hell out of me.  
  
"AJ, I've found her. I found Mac."  
  
Rabb and I instantaneously start hammering him with questions.  
  
"Just listen to me. I'm in Kuwait and she is here. uh, visiting."  
  
"Visiting? What the hell do you mean she is there visiting. You make it sound like she's on vacation."  
  
"Well, actually she is."  
  
I stare at Rabb not knowing what to think about Webb's revelation. Before I can respond he drops the next bombshell.  
  
"We've got a problem. She's married to Sheik Raihan's son, Jabir. AJ, I've watched them and they're completely in love with each other. It's no act. He's in love with her too. It's obvious."  
  
I can hear the unspoken words. Webb thinks Mac has been turned. I look across my desk at Rabb who is at a complete loss. I'm not sure which was the worst for him to hear. That she's in love, married, or whom she is married to. I'm not sure he has even caught onto what Webb didn't say.  
  
"Webb, are you telling me what I think you are?"  
  
"I don't know for sure, but when I approached her on the street today she didn't even respond to her name. I had to practically get in front of her before she realized who I was. Then she mumbled something to me in Arabic, but she knows that I don't speak more than a few words. It was like she didn't even realize I wouldn't understand. I don't think she even knew she wasn't speaking English to me."  
  
I watch as Rabb picks up on what Webb is inferring. "Webb, there is no way that Mac is working for them. How can you even think that?"  
  
"I'm not accusing her of anything, Rabb. But I know a problem when I see one and this is a problem. I was able to slip her my secured cell # but I honestly don't know if she will even call. Rabb, she is different now. It's been almost 2 years; you have to understand that being undercover that long can be very confusing. I barely recognized her myself."  
  
I watch as Rabb tries to process everything that Webb has told him. I know what he is talking about. Long-term deep undercover ops can completely destroy a person's identity.  
  
I know what he's going to ask as he looks up at me. "Go ahead. Make arrangements and meet Webb ASAP."  
  
"Webb, give Rabb the information that he needs to find you." I listen as they make arrangements for Rabb to leave in just a few hours. As I watch Rabb leave, I pray that what Webb suspects isn't true. I think her death would be easier to handle than her betrayal.  
  
  
  
2 hours later  
  
Kuwait Hotel  
  
Jabir and Amirah's room  
  
Mac's (Amirah) POV***  
  
I can't believe that Webb found me. My mind races trying to understand how, but I'm just thankful. He had the strangest look on his face though. And he never responded to my question, but I guess he didn't have time. I stare at the paper. I know its his cell # and I know he is waiting for my call. What I don't know is why I am hesitating to contact him. This is what I have wanted for the last 20 months, right? To go back home? Or have I found 'home' with Jabir? The fact that I am struggling with this decision scares me. At the very least I am a deserter if I don't go back. I've been willing to give up my life for my country, but now I'm being asked to give up the man I love. Can I do this?  
  
I don't have time to wonder as Jabir returns from his meeting. I can see that he is upset, but he never talks about his business with me. I watch as he takes off his jacket and lays next to me on the bed.  
  
"Jabir, what's wrong?" I wait in silence. My eyes close as he traces his finger across my face. I can feel the need in his touch. I scoot closer to him and ask him again what is bothering him. I hear his sigh as he mumbles that his father has planned to buy weapons from the Russians again. I instantly become alert. Damn it, I should have known his father wouldn't give up but selfishly I didn't want to have to deal with it. I know that I have to pass this along and when I do I will betray Jabir as well as his father. I can't help the tear that trails down the side of my face. He gently wipes it away.  
  
"Amirah, I tried to reason with him once again. But he is determined to see this through." I lay here trying to think of a way to ask when the purchase will be made, but everything seems too obvious. Unless... "Jabir, do you think you will have time to talk to him again before he does this?" He carefully considers my question, but shrugs helplessly. "I don't think it would make a difference even if I had a 1000 years to tell him of all the good I saw in America. No, Amirah. Tomorrow night he will buy death for many Americans." I know better than to try and get him to tell me where the meeting is supposed to take place. When and who will have to be good enough for Webb. I feel him reach for me again and I long to lose myself in him one more time. I know after tomorrow that I have no choice but to leave with Webb. I can only hope that Jabir will be able to forgive my betrayal and that he will be held blameless for my actions.  
  
I feel my body respond as he kisses my neck and pulls me close. I fuse my mouth to his, needing to feel the heat of his tongue in my mouth. As our tongues caress each other, he pulls us both up so that he can remove my dress. As we make love, I can only think that this might be the last time and my heart breaks at the love I have to leave behind. As he whispers his love, I wonder if I can really leave this man.  
  
Next morning  
  
Mac's POV**  
  
Jabir has finally left for his meetings and I know that I need to find a way to contact Webb fast. I have to get him this information with enough time for him to do something about it, but calling from the hotel isn't an option. Making my way down to the street I feel someone watching me. I slowly look in the store windows pretending as if I'm out for an afternoon of shopping. It takes 30 minutes before I realize that its Webb following me. What is he doing? If I didn't know better, I would say he is watching me to see if I meet with anyone. It suddenly strikes me that the strange look on Webb's face yesterday was suspicion. That son of a bitch! How could he possibly think I would work for the other side? I have lost almost 2 years of my life to this mission and he thinks that I am going to betray my country? I watch carefully as he steps into a store and then I head for the closest phone I can find. I wait as the phone rings and have to laugh that I can hear it from across the street?  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Webb, are you having fun following me?" silence.. "Webb?"  
  
"Yeah?" I hear him answer.  
  
"I asked if you were having fun following me. You think I'm working for the other side, don't you?"  
  
Silence again. Just as I am about tell him to go to hell I hear him again.  
  
"Mac, can you speak English to me? I really don't understand what you're saying?"  
  
I freeze as I realize that it is completely natural for me to speak Arabic. I haven't spoken even a word of English for the last 20 months. As part of my training I knew that I had to even begin thinking in Arabic so that I wouldn't unintentionally betray myself. As I search for my words, I realize I'm at a complete loss. Its not like I don't know English, but you'd be amazed at how difficult it is after not speaking it for this long.  
  
"Mac?" I can hear the question in his tone.  
  
"Yes?" I think I said that in English. I must have because he tells me to go sit at the café across the street. I sigh in relief and take a seat in the farthest corner. I wait 20 minutes before he comes in and sits just behind me at another table. I have been reading a magazine during this time and of course it's in Arabic as well. I idly realize that every thought I have really is in Arabic. This gives me the creeps, but I know it had to happen to be able to survive without blowing my cover.  
  
"Mac. Are you ok?" I can hear the concern in his voice, but I can also hear the distrust. He really thinks that I have switched sides. I decide to go with the one word answer.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you ready to leave? I can have you home by tomorrow."  
  
I shake my head and try to tell him about the plans tonight but once again it all comes out in Arabic.  
  
"Can you try that in English, please?"  
  
"No." I hear the sharp intake of his breath as I tell him I'm not ready to leave. At first I don't understand why he is so shocked, but then I realize he thinks I am telling him I don't want to go back at all. Do I?  
  
I struggle for my words as I try to piece together the simplest of sentences. "A buy tonight. Jabir's father."  
  
I know he understands what I'm trying to tell him, but his voice is still thick with suspicion. "Do you know where?"  
  
"No." is all I can think to answer. I'm definitely not going to try and explain how I found out that much.  
  
"Damn it. I hadn't expected this. I was just planning to get you and take you and Rabb back to the states."  
  
"What the hell is Rabb doing here, Webb? I don't need him to come save my six. I am doing perfectly fine." At his lack of a response I know that I have just rattled it off in Arabic again but I think he gets my point.  
  
"Whoa, it was the Admiral's idea. Not mine. He gets here in a few hours."  
  
"Plan?" I am definitely sticking with the one-word questions as well.  
  
"You'll have to stay with Jabir until after the buy to make sure no one gets suspicious. Rabb and I will come for you after that and we'll leave immediately.  
  
I don't know how to voice what I've been thinking. I know it sounds heartless, especially coming from the woman married to his son. "Need to kill Jabir's father. He'll keep trying."  
  
"I don't know about that, Mac. I'm just going to focus on stopping him from getting the weapons."  
  
I nod my understanding and manage to ask if I need to know anything else. "Mac, everyone but the admiral and Rabb still think you're dead. They had a memorial service for you 6 months ago. Full military honors. You even got a purple heart. I think the Secnav felt guilty." I know he's trying to make me laugh with the last part but I can only think of the pain that I have caused so many friends.  
  
I didn't mean to voice my thoughts out loud, but I must have. "Maybe I should stay here?" Guess I managed that in English since Webb responds even more suspiciously.  
  
"Mac, you can't be serious. You're not safe here."  
  
"I'm happy, Clay. I love Jabir." I try desperately to make him understand, but I know it's useless. Even I know that I have to go back. I see one of Jabir's friends down the street and move abruptly, leaving the café and moving away from him. I have to get back soon, or Jabir will wonder where I've been. Making my way back to the hotel, I struggle again with the decision to go back.  
  
  
  
Clay POV***  
  
I'm still not sure about her. It seems too convenient that I show up just in time for another buy. Is she trying to get me out of the way with this story, now that I've found her? Hell, Mac even admitted that she wants to stay. I can chalk the language problems up to being undercover so long. What I can't shake is her desire to stay and how different she seems. My spy sense is tingling at me that something isn't right, but I'm not sure if the problem is Mac or not. I decide to get Rabb from the airport and do some more reconnaissance before I buy into her story. Just to be safe.  
  
Its 4 hours later and Rabb and I are both watching as Mac and Jabir enjoy dinner out. I can tell that Rabb doesn't like what he's seeing, but hell part of it is his fault. Yeah, I know about the fit he threw the day Mac left. The man's an idiot when it comes to her. After I picked him up, I told Rabb more about my concerns regarding Mac. I thought he was going to deck me for it, but now he's here watching it for himself. Every time Jabir touches her Rabb growls something or tightens his hands around the binocs. I probably shouldn't force him to sit through this, but I need him to understand what we're dealing with here. After another hour of torture for Rabb, Mac and Jabir finally leave to go back to their hotel. It's the walk back that does Rabb in. We stay just far enough behind to see them, but they are so caught up in each other we could have been 2 feet behind them and they would never have known it.  
  
Looking at my watch I realize we only have an hour to find and then tail Jabir's father to the rendezvous. I'm still skeptical, but hopefully Mac's info will come through for us. If not.. Well, I'll deal with that if I have to. I managed to secure a few Marines from the embassy and I motion to Rabb that we have to get going and fast.  
  
1 hour later  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
I'm starting to get really worried. We're sitting outside where Mac told us Sheik Raihan would be leaving from. So far, no sign of him. When Webb told me his suspicions I wanted to hurt him for even suggesting Mac could betray her country. But after what I saw tonight, I'm not so sure he isn't right. I can see for myself that she is completely in love with Jabir. It hurt to watch her with him. They were so loving and tender with each other. It looks like she has found the one thing that I always held back from her, Love. Even that alone wouldn't have convinced me that she had turned. Its how different she is now. She really isn't Mac anymore at all. She even told Webb she wasn't sure she should come back. How could she possibly feel that way unless she had done something? Damn it. Each minute that passes without Raihan coming out that door makes it harder to believe that Mac hasn't betrayed us.  
  
Looking over to Webb I can see the disappointment in his eyes. We decide to leave one of his operatives with the Marine guard just in case Raihan moves while we go after Mac. We both drive in silence to the hotel she and Jabir are staying at. Taking her back as a traitor is going to kill me and I know it will break everyone's hearts at JAG. I think it would have been better to leave everyone thinking she had died. Part of me wishes we could just leave her here, but my duty won't allow me to let her betray my country and get away with it. I only hope I have the strength to do this.  
  
Since Webb already has the room number we slip past the front desk. I draw my gun and wait for Webb's signal. I can feel my heart beating so fast I swear they can probably hear it inside the room. At Webb's nod I try the door, but it is locked. He pulls out a few tools and manages to pick the lock. As I slowly open the door, he covers me. The suite is large and we strain to listen for any sounds. Mac's moan of pleasure rips through me as I realize we've obviously caught them in the middle of their lovemaking. Hearing her call his name in passion only furthers my anger. We both move to the entrance of the master bedroom and I freeze as I see her in his arms. The image of them together makes me want to kill him with my bare hands. Webb nods to let me know that he has checked the other rooms and they are empty.  
  
They are both so oblivious to our presence that Webb has to call her name. I turn to see Mac looking at Webb and I in confusion while Jabir's look seems to be a mixture of fear, anger, and confusion.  
  
"Mac, I'm sorry but you have to come with us. There wasn't any buy tonight." She's still staring at me in confusion and then recognition of what I am accusing her of dawns on her face. Now she's yelling at me in what I guess is Arabic, but I have no idea. Jabir starts to look more confused by the minute and with my attention drawn to an angry naked Sarah Mackenzie I don't see him pull out the gun until he is starting to raise it towards me. The next moment passes in a split second as 3 shots ring out. Jabir's shot goes wide and barely misses me as Mac covers him with her body knocking his arm away. Both my shot and Webb's hits Mac in her chest and rib-cage as she just barely manages to block Jabir from us.  
  
Jabir drops his gun as he feels Mac slump against him. Cradling her limp body he cries her name softly. "Amirah, please Amirah." Mac doesn't move as he pleads with her. I have no idea what he is saying. As I watch the sheets turn red with her blood, all I can think is that I've just killed the only woman I've ever loved. The pain in his cries breaks through the haze covering my brain. "Amirah, No." The thought occurs to me that perhaps this is better than having to bring her back as a traitor, but I feel sick at what I've just done. I've just killed Sarah. My Sarah. At that moment Webb's radio crackles to life letting him know that Raihan is on the move and they are following him. I can see the regret raging through Webb's face. Waiting 10 more minutes would have made the difference. We both stare at each other and then turn to her lifeless body realizing the mistake we've made.  
  
I drop to my knees as I watch Webb move towards her to check for a pulse. I know he won't find one; I've killed her.  
  
"Rabb, call the embassy. She's still alive, but barely." His statement gives me hope and I make the call quickly and wait for the Embassy trauma team to arrive.  
  
As Jabir continues to rock her, I hear her struggle for breath. It seems to take all her strength to open her eyes and look at her lover holding her in his arms. Her voice is weak as she whispers softly to him. Once again I don't know exactly what she is saying, but the love on her face gives me a good idea. I want so badly to cradle her in my own arms and tell her I am sorry. As she loses consciousness again, the trauma team races in. Jabir watches in shock as they rush to save her life. One of the medics explains that they've got to get her to the base hospital immediately or she has no chance. Jabir nods his understanding and backs away as they cover her and strap her still form to the gurney.  
  
4 hours later  
  
Kuwait Air Force Base Hospital  
  
Webb's POV***  
  
Rabb and I sit next to each other silently as we wait for news from the surgeons. Jabir has vacillated between despair and anger directed towards us. Damn it, why did she have to get in front of him? I know the answer; she's in love with him. I feel Rabb's despair as he stares at the wall in front of him. This is all my fault and I audibly curse myself. If I hadn't been such an idiot and doubted Mac, this never would have happened. As it turns out the buy did go down, and the marines and my operative got there just in time to see the Russian sellers kill Sheik Raihan and his men. They seemed to think they could keep the warhead and the money and would have been successful if my men hadn't been there to contain the situation and confiscate the warhead. But none of that is important. Right now my head is spinning with the knowledge that I may have killed one of my closest friends.  
  
My cell phone rings and I know it is probably the Admiral wanting an update on the situation. The only thing I can be thankful for is that he is there and I am here.  
  
"Webb." I say as calmly as I can manage.  
  
"Webb, you were supposed to call me hours ago. What the hell is going on?" I do my best to try to explain the situation but it's hard for him to understand how both Rabb and I could shoot her by mistake, thinking she was a traitor. He asks how she is doing and I honestly can't give him an answer except to tell him that the wounds were fairly serious. He asks if Rabb is there and yells it loud enough that Rabb can hear it for himself.  
  
Rabb takes the phone from me and can only manage one Sir before he's getting his six chewed. A moment later he hangs up and simply says "He's on his way."  
  
"Webb, what if she dies by my hand? What am I going to do?" I don't have anything to tell him because I'm wondering the same thing. I watch as Rabb leans his head into his hands and silently cries. I am vaguely aware that Jabir is watching us suspiciously. At some point I am going to have to deal with him, but I'm not ready for that. I'm sure he doesn't even know about his father. He'll probably think we killed him and I really don't want to deal with that right now. He hasn't asked us anything about why we brought her to an American military base hospital, which has me a little confused. But, I guess he has probably figured out part of it from just listening to us since I know he speaks English fluently.  
  
A few more hours pass, before the surgeon finally comes out. He looks around trying to locate who he should talk to. Jabir immediately approaches him and they talk back and forth in Arabic. Damn it. I can't understand a thing. I watch Jabir's face closely as the surgeon talks to him. His face falls just a bit, but he doesn't have the look of utter devastation that he did at the hotel when he thought she was dead. The doctor leads him towards the door and I get up to follow. Jabir immediately turns on me and I can feel pure hatred emanate from him.  
  
"Jabir, I just need to know how she is doing." I try to back off and seem as non-threatening as possible. I can see him debate whether or not he should tell me.  
  
"She has slipped into a coma. They do not know if she will wake up." He turns sharply and walks away leaving me to the self-recrimination of my own thoughts. When I get back to where Rabb is sitting, he looks at me waiting for the news. Damn I hate to tell him this.  
  
"She's in a coma. They're not sure if she'll come out of it."  
  
End Chapter 5  
  
WHOA!!! I think I tried to put TOO much drama in this story! LOL, next time I'll go more sparingly. I promise!! =0) PLEASE don't shoot me for this latest twist and remember what I said at the end of CH4. =0) I'm writing the last chapter or two as we speak and I'll make it happy/good.  
  
Notes: From part 4. Someone felt that Jabir would have noticed Mac wasn't a virgin on their wedding night. Just a reminder that her cover was that of a widow. As for whether or not Mac would have 'given up' so easily and married Jabir.. I can see that being up for debate, but she did fall in love with him. Also, I did do some research and communication and such in Iraq is SOOOO controlled. So, its very easy for me to write it that way, especially since she never left the grounds of Jabir's palace.  
  
Notes on this chapter: Some may feel it was a bit of a stretch to have Rabb and Webb suspect Mac, but it made for an interesting turn in the story line.. Besides she's been gone a LONG time. And Webb, well he's a suspicious spook so we'll chalk it up to that! LOL. Regarding the difficulty speaking English, I've seen that happen to friends that have been out of the country and only communicated in the other language while they were gone. As for Mac's struggle about going home, some may not agree with that.. but I do. =0) and I realize I may be completely off with the whole passport/visa thing.. But its just a story?? =0) Thanks for the feedback, suggestions, and input. 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Unfinished business: Chapter 6 Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net)  
  
Disclaimers in part 1  
  
24 hours later  
  
Kuwait Air force Base Hospital  
  
Admiral's POV***  
  
I grabbed the first transport out once I found out about Mac. How this could have happened is beyond me. I understand their confusion based on what they saw, but this is Mac. Even if they were suspicious they could have gone after her differently. I really don't even want to think of the repercussions if she doesn't survive. As it stands now Rabb will never forgive himself for shooting her in the first place, but if she dies. He won't make it through that.  
  
I called the Secnav just before I got on the plane to let him know what was going on. I expected him to ream me for not telling him yesterday. I also expected his concern to be primarily focused on possible bad press, but he actually seemed concerned for her. I don't think Mac has any idea the effect she has on people. I've been angry as hell with her a couple of times, but she is still one of the people I respect most. She kind of gets under your skin without you knowing it. Her loyalty has always been admirable, but there is something else that amazes me about her. Through all the crap in her life and the bad choices and mistakes she has made, she never gives up. She simply picks herself back up, swallows her pride, and moves on. I know her past still haunts her, but she doesn't let it keep her from trying to do better.  
  
I walk into the waiting room and see two extremely despondent men staring off into space. Both Rabb and Webb look exhausted, but it's the pain that haunts their eyes that really gets my attention. I got the update that she had slipped into a coma during the surgery just before I got on the plane. From what I was told I know that just one of the gunshot wounds would have been enough to threaten her life, but both of them together... I am surprised she is even alive. Grateful, but surprised. I hoped by the time I got here that she would have pulled out of it. Just looking at the two men I can tell that she hasn't. I wonder where her husband is and wonder how we are going to be able to deal with him.  
  
I stand in front of them and clear my throat to get their attention. Rabb comes to attention immediately, but he won't meet my eyes. Webb just looks up, and then looks away.  
  
"At ease, Rabb. Is there any news?" Right now I am barely holding back the urge to tear into both of them, but I know that won't help and they're in enough pain as it is.  
  
"No, sir. She still hasn't pulled out of the coma. She hasn't gotten any worse, but not any better either." He is still avoiding looking at me. Smart man.  
  
"You're both exhausted. I don't want to see you back here for at least 8 hours." Rabb starts to protest. "I will inform you immediately if there is any change, but right now I don't want to look at either one of you. Dismissed." The disgust in my voice probably makes my point better than anything I could say. Rabb simply nods and leaves as Clay carefully stays out of arms reach and follows Rabb. Part of me is still feeling guilty about letting her take the assignment and maybe I am taking it out on them a bit. I've rationalized a hundred times that she really was the best person for the job, but that has seldom soothed the pangs of my conscience.  
  
I make my way to the nurses station and explain who I am and whom I am here to see. As I stand just inside the room, I see a man sitting next to her, holding her hand and talking to her softly in what must be Arabic. The love in his eyes and voice are unmistakable. I guess I've found her husband. As my eyes move to her still form, I am overwhelmed with how pale and lifeless she looks. There is little color to her usually olive skin and the vibrance that is Sarah Mackenzie seems to have completely left her. I'm not even sure this is the same woman that left for this mission almost 2 years ago. My mind struggles to take in the fact that she is even still alive, though barely. It wasn't until about 2 months ago that I finally believed she was really dead, and not just missing. To see her hanging on to life so precariously is hard for my mind to accept. I haven't told any of the staff about what is happening. They have been through enough already and don't need to worry one way or another until we're sure that Mac is going to pull out of this. My thoughts are interrupted as I feel her husband's gaze on me. The distrust and question as to who I am is clear in his eyes.  
  
I am not even sure if he speaks English. At the questioning look in my eyes he introduces himself, thankfully in English.  
  
"How do you know Amirah?"  
  
At his question I struggle with what to say and how to tell him that the woman he loves is an American military officer. I know he has to already have an idea of that. We are on an American military base. I'm also a bit wary as to the effect this will have on him and I really don't need a confrontation with him. Sighing, I move to another chair in the room.  
  
"The colonel, er, Amirah, was under my command when she left for this mission." His eyes darken and he looks at me apprehensively.  
  
"So it is true. She is a spy?"  
  
Shaking my head I struggle again with how to explain who Mac is without giving away any details he shouldn't know. "No, She's a Marine lawyer. We chose her to go undercover in Al-Farabi's home because of her skills in Farsi and Arabic."  
  
I can see the confusion on his face. "She is a lawyer?"  
  
"A marine lawyer."  
  
In his silence I can tell he is trying to come to terms with the fact that the woman he loves isn't who he thinks she is. "She was not sent to spy on me?" His question is filled with anguish and I know he doubts everything that has happened between them.  
  
"No, Jabir. She was only supposed to be at Al-Fabir's for a few months."  
  
"But then I took her away from Al-Fabir and you did not know where she was?"  
  
The pain I felt at her disappearance flashes through me and my voice is barely a whisper as I look over to her still form. "We thought she had been killed."  
  
I can feel his careful consideration of what I have said. "You care for her very much?"  
  
His underlying question is obvious. "Yes Jabir. She is very special to me. Like a daughter." His relief at my description of my feelings for Mac is apparent. His body language becomes less defensive and he sits back down next to her.  
  
"I love her very much."  
  
Once again the uncertainty and pain in his voice is obvious. "Jabir, from what I have heard she is very much in love with you too." His eyes still hold skepticism.  
  
"Jabir, I know that she told one of my men that she wished she could stay here with you, instead of going back to her friends and her own country." He's still not convinced and for some unknown reason to me I really want this man to know how much she loves him. There is a basic goodness to him that is visible. I realize as well that I am grateful to him for keeping her safe even if he didn't know what he was doing. "Jabir, why would she sacrifice her life for you if she didn't love you. If she were just spying on you, she wouldn't have done that. Her love for you was too much for her to let you die."  
  
His acceptance of what I have said visibly washes through him and he starts to sob as he holds her hand. Turning away from me he calls softly to her again. The pleading tone in his voice is enough for me to know that he is begging her to come back to him. I just hope she hears him. I really don't want to lose her all over again.  
  
The next few hours pass with him trying to explain what happened in the year that Mac has been missing. He talked of how he had taken her from Al- Fabir and her initial distrust of him. He laughed as he told me that she hadn't said a single word to him for an entire month. That's my stubborn jarhead all right. I watched as he was transported to another world as he told me of how he had been mesmerized with her from the very beginning. He could tell she was different and even as a servant she possessed more strength, intelligence and beauty than any woman he had ever met. Given that he is a Sheik's son, I know his experience with women can't be limited. Something seemed to click in his mind as he told me of the first time she let him touch her. "She could not love me until she knew that I didn't agree with my father's attempts to purchase weapons for Al-Queida. Now I understand why it was so important to her." He sat in silence as I wondered at their relationship. Seeming to sense my questions he rushed to assure me that he never touched her until she came to him. "I would never hurt Amirah that way. Amirah doesn't seem to understand how beautiful she is, especially in her heart. She has been hurt many times in her past?" At my nod, he continued. "I could see the pain in her eyes. I thought it was for her dead husband, but it was for someone else?"  
  
How do I answer that question? Rabb has by far hurt her the most, but there have been others. And there's her father, who although I know she has forgiven, she still carries the scars of his emotional abuse. "Mac has been hurt by most of the men in her life, in one way or another." His eyes flood with anger at the thought that anyone could be cruel to her.  
  
"She is called Mac?"  
  
"That is what her friends call her. Its part of her last name, but her first name is Sarah." He is hungry to know more about her and the life that she lived before he knew her.  
  
"My Amirah is strong." He has pride in his eyes as he looks back to her. "but she is also soft and loving." As he looks back to me, his eyes are filled with fear. "You are going to take her away from me?" It seems more of a statement than a question.  
  
I don't know how to answer that and I can't hold his gaze. "She can't stay, Jabir. She won't be safe. She has family and friends that love her and miss her. They still think she is dead."  
  
He stares back to her again. "I cannot lose her." He ponders his next statement for several minutes before he voices it out loud. "Can I come with her? I would give up anything to be with Amirah." I know this man has just inherited billions of oil and property with his father's death, but he is ready to give it all up for Mac. I think Mac has finally made a very good choice in Jabir. I'm afraid at what will happen to either one if they are separated.  
  
"That's not up to me, Jabir. There are so many issues to be decided. When people find out about who she is, there will be danger. For both of you. How will you deal with that?"  
  
"I will do anything to stay with her. Anything." The resolve in his eyes gives me hope that they just might make it through this; if Mac will just wake up.  
  
2 days later  
  
Mac's hospital room  
  
Admiral Chegwidden's POV***  
  
It's been 2 days since I got here and still no sign that she will come out of this damn coma. I don't think Jabir has left her side for more than a few minutes at a time; except for after I told him about his father. His reaction is still a mystery to me. He was definitely upset, but there seemed to be an underlying relief at the news. I wonder what the full story is there. There is an unspoken but fragile truce between Jabir and Webb and Rabb. The first day that Jabir and I talked he asked about them. I tried to explain what happened, but the pain on their faces has done more to soften his hate than anything else. Webb and Rabb have mostly stayed in the waiting area. I think looking at her fragile condition is too hard for both of them, considering it's their fault. I'm mildly surprised that Webb hasn't left given his importance with the CIA, but he remains; growing more despondent by the hour. Rabb is even worse and is barely holding himself together. Mac, do you know how many lives hang in the balance with yours?  
  
  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
My body feels so heavy. Everything is muted and fuzzy. I am struggling to remember where I am and what happened but my mind seems completely disconnected from my body. The only sound in the room is the soft whirring of machines, but I can feel someone's presence next to me. My body jerks as I remember the sounds of the shots being fired and images of their guns pointed at Jabir. That vision is replaced by eyes looking at me; cold and accusing. Overwhelming fear tightens my chest and I struggle to breathe. I try to call out for Jabir, but something stops me and icicles of fear cut through me. I struggle trying to free myself but as I do pain explodes through my body. The intensity of it makes my skin flush and I feel my stomach churn. Where is he?!  
  
Admiral's POV***  
  
The frantic beeping of the machines grabs my attention and I see her body jerk. She seems to be fighting something unseen as she struggles wildly. The breathing tube keeps her from calling out and she gasps for breath, fighting the machine that has been keeping her alive. Her eyes are open but unseeing as Jabir tries to calm her. The frantic activity on the monitors brings the nurses and a doctor rushing into the room. One of them shouts that they have to stabilize her fast or they could lose her. Jabir is still calling to her franticly, trying to get through to her. Hearing the shouting, Webb and Rabb rush into the room and stare in terror as the doctor yells orders to his staff. One of the nurses pushes Jabir away and he desperately tries to reach her. Finally, he pushes the nurse out of the way and leans over to her. Pullling her face to his he calls to her again. A flash of recognition passes through her eyes and she immediately starts to relax. He strokes her face and starts talking to her softly, trying to reassure her. I watch as her heart rate slowly returns to normal and her breathing becomes less labored. The doctor waits a few minutes more and before he leaves tells Jabir that he will remove the breathing tube in a few hours once he is sure that she is stable. As Jabir gazes at her, I see his love for her reflected back to him in her own eyes. Although I can't understand a word that Jabir is saying to her, I suddenly feel as though I am intruding on what should be a private moment. I am afraid as well that once she sees Webb and Rabb she will become upset again and hurt herself. I motion to both of them to follow me out. The longing in Rabb's eyes tears at me. I know he wants to hold her and comfort her as Jabir is doing, but he lost that right a long time ago. And I'm not sure he will ever have the chance again.  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
I listen as Jabir explains that I have been in a coma for several days. The pain and fear in his eyes breaks my heart as he tells me that he thought he had lost me. His eyes shine with love and I am suddenly afraid because I know he will despise me once he knows who I am. My eyes tear as I think of the hate and betrayal that I know will replace the love I see.  
  
"Amirah, why do you cry? Are you in pain?" the desperation in his voice makes my tears flow faster.  
  
Damn it. I can't say anything with this stupid breathing tube in. I can't stand to look at him and I try to turn my face away, feeling ashamed at having deceived him. I feel his hands gently pull my face back as he begs to know what is wrong. I fight to turn away again, but he is too strong and I feel my body give into the sleep that is calling to me. As I fight the heaviness of my eyelids, the last thing I see are his tears slipping down his face.  
  
Webb POV**** None of us have spoken a word since we left Mac's room. I can't even begin to express the relief I feel that she has woken up. The doctor seems to think that now that she has she will recover fully, but it will take a few weeks. The admiral hasn't said anything, and I know he is at a loss as to what can be done for Mac and Jabir. Rabb just sits silently, staring at the floor. I feel pity for him. He has lost Mac all over again, but this time to another man. I'm not really sure how he is going to handle it, but there are a lot of unknowns in this situation. I don't know how Mac is going to deal with being separated from Jabir. This situation couldn't be messier. With his father's death, Jabir is the sole inheritor of billions of dollars in land and oil refineries, but most of it is in Iraq. His father was an Al-Queida supporter and he is married to an American military officer. Our government is not exactly going to welcome him with open arms, unless.. No, I shouldn't even think about it. If something happened to him because I get him involved, Mac will kill me. I can't stand the silence any longer and get up to walk around. As I pass by Mac's room I hear Jabir begging her to tell him what is wrong, but she is too tired to keep her eyes open. As she slips into sleep, Jabir looks around helplessly.  
  
"Is she ok?" My question is barely a whisper but it startles him. His eyes are at first filled with hate for me, but he seems too tired to be able to maintain the feeling. He shakes his head and slips back into the chair.  
  
"She won't even look at me. I do not understand what is wrong."  
  
I know this isn't any of my business, but I know Mac well enough to know that she is probably feeling guilty for deceiving him. And the love she feels for him has been obvious, so that leads me to one conclusion. "Do you think that she's afraid you'll hate her, now that you know who she is?"  
  
The thought of hating her seems abhorrent to Jabir as he shakes his head vigorously. "I could never hate Amirah. She is my life. She is everything to me. I understand why she betrayed my father. I wish I had the courage to stop him myself. What he was doing was wrong, but I was afraid of him. Nothing but Amirah matters to me."  
  
I consider myself a hardened spook, but his heartfelt declaration of love touches me. I decide immediately that I will do everything possible to help him come to America with Mac. She deserves some happiness, and I owe her for so many things. I am again faced with my own shame for doubting Mac and putting her in this position. Rabb may hate me for what I do now, but I know that even in his own pain he wants her to be happy. "Jabir, you need to tell Mac that you know who she is. She needs to know that you don't hate her for what she had to do, and for lying to you." He nods his understanding and I see a flicker of gratefulness pass through his eyes. As I leave the room, I feel marginally good about myself for the first time in years.  
  
  
  
Rabb's POV****  
  
She's going to live. I'm not sure if she will ever be able to forgive me for what I've done, but at least she is alive. The relief is bittersweet as I realize that I have found her only to lose her again. Part of me is truly happy for her. I have never seen so much peace and happiness in her eyes, as I did when she was with Jabir that night. But, I am afraid for her as well. I don't know how they are going to work out all the issues surrounding Jabir and who he is. I wonder if she will even come back and work at JAG. She certainly doesn't need to work to support herself. I know that Mac loved her job and it was never for money, but she is so different now that I don't know if she will even want to be a Marine anymore. That thought sends chills down my spine. So much of Mac is, or was, being a marine. Surely she hasn't changed that much.  
  
I don't know what I am going to say when I see her. An apology sure as hell doesn't cut it when you doubt the woman you love and then almost kill her. The Admiral has hardly said a word to me. I can't blame him, after what I have done. I'll be lucky if he doesn't bring me up on charges.  
  
END CHAPTER 6  
  
  
  
I know, most everyone's sick of the Mac/Jabir stuff but I can't write it out that quickly. It would cheapen the storyline in my opinion. Chapter 7 follows immediately so that I can leave you in a slightly better place. =0)  
  
Oh, do other authors get hate mail from their stores or am I just special that way??? =0) No, I'm not pleading for nice reviews, but I REALLY am curious about that. 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Unfinished Business: Chapter 7 Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net)  
  
Disclaimers in part 1  
  
Next day - Kuwait Air force Base Hospital  
  
0800  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
My mouth feels like rough cotton and there is a constant ache in my chest and side. As I struggle to open my eyes, everything comes back to me. The images and sounds from that night flash through my mind. I don't think I will ever forget the look in Harm's eyes as he told me I had to come with him. At first I couldn't understand why they were standing there with guns pointed at Jabir and I. But then the accusation and disappointment in his eyes brought a flood of understanding and then anger. Is that what they really think of me?  
  
I hear him softly breathing and turn my head to see Jabir asleep, hunched over in a chair next to my bed. Even in his sleep he looks troubled and scared. The breathing tube has been removed, but I can barely whisper his name. I try to moisten my lips with my tongue, but its no use. He isn't far from me, but my arms feel too heavy. A movement at the door catches my attention and I look up to see Harm staring at me. I can see the guilt and remorse etched into his face, along with exhaustion. Holding his gaze for more than a few seconds is too hard and I have to turn away. Tears slip down my face as I try to understand how he could believe I was a traitor.  
  
He says nothing to me, but walks into the room and takes a small cup from a bedside table. Jabir is still soundly asleep next to me. Harm walks around to the other side of my bed and silently motions to the cup in his hands. He pulls out a small ice chip and waits for my approval. I manage a small nod, and he rubs it across my dry lips before placing it into my mouth. Taking another, he again does the same thing and I am grateful for the cool wet sensation trickling through my mouth and down my throat. The look in his eyes and his touch is so intimate that I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. Jabir starts to stir next to me and I turn to look over at him grateful for the excuse to turn away. His eyes open slowly, but as he sees Harm he immediately sits up and moves closer to me.  
  
Once again the look of love and concern in his eyes tears at me. What is he going to think of me once he knows?  
  
"Amirah, you are awake."  
  
"Jabir, I have to tell you something." My voice is barely a whisper and fear courses through me as I struggle to find the words. "I have deceived you. I do not deserve you're love." When I raise my eyes to his I am amazed to see understanding and acceptance.  
  
"Amirah, I know who you are. Your admiral told me. At first I was upset, but he helped me understand. I do not hate you. I could not; I love you too much." How can he still love me and forgive me. I don't understand, but the relief sends tears streaming down my face. How am I going to leave him?  
  
"Jabir, I love you so much. Please know that. I would give anything for you." Sadness flickers through his eyes at my declaration of love.  
  
"You have already given too much. If I had lost you." He shakes his head as if to banish those thoughts. "I cannot lose you. I know we cannot go back to Iraq. I will do anything to go with you to your home."  
  
His next statement takes me completely by surprise as I struggle to understand the remorse in his eyes. "Can you forgive me for taking you away from your friends? For making them think you were dead? I have caused you so much pain."  
  
"Its not your fault, Jabir. But what about your father? Won't he come after you?"  
  
His eyes flash with pain and then hatred. "Amirah, my father is dead. The Russian arms dealer killed him." Seeing my guilt he shakes his head at me. "NO. This is not your fault."  
  
He abruptly looks away from me and I turn to see what has taken his attention away. Harm must have left at some point and now the Admiral stands in the doorway. The Admiral is here? I struggle to sit up at least a little straighter, but he flashes me a grin and shakes his head at me.  
  
"Don't even think about it Colonel. Rabb told me you were awake and I just wanted to check on you." His discomfort at his intrusion is obvious. Jabir seems to sense that the Admiral needs to talk to me in private and squeezes my hand.  
  
"I will be back soon." I am amazed but pleased at the friendly nod the Admiral gives to Jabir as he walks out.  
  
"Sir, It's good to see you again." Hell, that sounded lame but what do you say after this long. He must think it was lame too because he softly chuckles at me.  
  
"Mac, I have no idea what you just said, but its good to see you awake. You had us all pretty worried, Marine."  
  
"Sorry, sir." I'm blushing at my mistake in speaking Arabic to him.  
  
"Mac, you don't need to apologize. We all know you will need time to adjust." His face gets a faraway look and sadness creeps across his features. "You've been gone a long time. I, we, thought we'd lost you."  
  
I curse myself for the pain I have caused others. I want to let him know and I get frustrated as I struggle for the words. "I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to let someone know where I was."  
  
"Mac! We know you couldn't do that. You would have blown your cover instantly. Don't feel guilty about that..." he pauses and then adds hesitatingly, "I haven't told anyone back at JAG that you're alive. I didn't want to until. Until I knew you were going to pull through. So far it's just me, Webb and Rabb that know you're here."  
  
At the mention of their names, my face clouds over. I am still so hurt and a little angry. "Mac, I know you're upset about what happened. Hell, so am I. But those two men couldn't be any sorrier for what they did. You know they only fired because Jabir made that move first. They never meant to hit you. I think both of them would die before they would intentionally shoot you."  
  
"I know sir, but how could they think I would betray my country? I would never do that."  
  
"Mac, they were confused. They saw how you were with Jabir and how natural it was for you to speak Arabic. Added to that you told Webb you weren't sure if you should go back. And when Raihan waited so long to go to the meet, they just didn't know what to think. They made a mistake. A terrible one, but still a mistake."  
  
Guilt sweeps through me. I hadn't even stopped to think what it must have looked like to Webb when I suggested maybe I should stay. Still, it hurts, but at least it makes a little more sense to me.  
  
"I know that Jabir wants to come back with you, but I need to know what you want."  
  
Hope floods through me at the thought that he could. "Is that possible?'  
  
"It will be difficult and I can't make any guarantees, but I'll do anything I can to help make it happen. If that's what you want. Webb is already checking around to see what he can do."  
  
"Webb is trying to help?" I can't hold back the astonishment in my voice.  
  
"He feels pretty guilty. I think you'll be able to get him to do just about anything you want at this point. You might want to make a list" He laughs as he says the last part and his eyes sparkle.  
  
"I think I just might." I grin, thinking of all the times this may come in handy. Oh Webb, you owe me big time.  
  
"Mac, what do you want to do about JAG?"  
  
"I really don't know. I need to talk with Jabir before I make any decisions."  
  
"I understand. Why don't I transfer you back to JAG... Well, after I fill out the mounds of paperwork to bring you back from the dead. Then you can take some time to decide."  
  
"Where was I transferred to, sir?"  
  
The look of disgust on his face makes me laugh. "State, if you can believe it."  
  
Laughing, I roll my eyes. "Oh, I really am a spook then?"  
  
He nods and smiles. "Fraid so. But you did get a purple heart, and under the circumstances Webb and Rabb have just insured you will get to keep it. "  
  
I laugh again, grateful that he is being so lighthearted about it. "Sir, I do have one request. I don't want anyone else to know what happened here. Can we just keep the details of who shot me, classified?"  
  
He fixes another big smile at me and nods. "I think we can do that and I don't think you'll get any argument from either Webb or Rabb. I've got to go make some calls and a few arrangements. The doctor indicated we could bring you home in a couple of days."  
  
"Home... Do I even have a home? It has been almost 2 years."  
  
"Don't worry about that. Webb is taking care of it as we speak. Rabb had all of your things stored for you. I don't think he ever completely gave up hope that you would come back. He's a stubborn man. Do you feel up to seeing either one of them?"  
  
I know I have to do this sooner or later, so I might as well get it over with. "Yes, but one at a time." He smiles at my grimace.  
  
Before he walks out the door, he comes closer and takes my hand in his. "Mac, it really is good to have you back. You've been missed more than you could ever know." Not waiting for a response, he walks quickly away.  
  
I don't have more than a few minutes to myself before Webb pokes his head in. He is nervous and his face still holds the guilt of what he did. As he approaches carefully, I have to laugh at him.  
  
"Worried I'm going to get out of this bed and deck you, Webb?" my attempt at a humor falls a little flat and he stares back at me.  
  
"Mac, I know an apology just isn't enough. But I am sorry. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, especially for doubting you. Everything was just so confusing and seem so different. I'm sorry I made Rabb doubt you too. He didn't believe me, but I just kept pointing things out until he couldn't think any other way. It's all my fault. Don't be mad at him." He looks at me, pleading for forgiveness and I am surprised to find that I have already given it.  
  
"Clay, I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't hurt that you thought I could betray my country. I think I understand what happened from your point of view though." He looks relieved by what I say and I think I'm not going to let him off the hook entirely. Not yet. "However, you are going to owe me big for a long time."  
  
"Yes ma'm!" he gives me a mock salute and gets up to leave "Mac, I have to leave and get back to the states."  
  
"I understand.. Clay, thanks. For not giving up on me and coming to get me."  
  
He nods softly and walks out the door. With his departure I know that I will have to deal with seeing Harm. This will be immeasurably harder and I hope I can handle this. There are so many feelings and emotions connected to him that I haven't had to deal with for so long. I wonder what is left between us? Clay said that I shouldn't blame Harm for doubting me, but it's still so hard for me to accept. He knew me better than anyone; making the betrayal hurt infinitely more.  
  
Rabb POV*** I walk into the room to find her staring off, obviously deep in thought. The lines of her face are sad and I can tell that whatever she is thinking about hurts. I know more than likely that I am the cause of her pain. That seems to be all I give her, just pain.  
  
"Sarah" my voice is barely a whisper, but she turns towards me. She raises her eyes to mine and time seems to slow. I find myself getting lost in the depths of her brown eyes. My chest constricts at the sadness I see. So much pain reflected back to me. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and soothe her. As I call her Sarah again her tears begin to fall, tracing jagged paths down her face. Her tears bring my own and I find myself kneeling at her bedside begging for her forgiveness. There are so many things that I need her forgiveness for. For nearly taking her life, for doubting her, but most of all for never telling her I love her. I sent her away letting her believe I didn't care and the knowledge has tortured me every day. It doesn't seem possible that I can ever gain her forgiveness, but as I look up into her eyes again I am overwhelmed. There is still so much pain there, but I don't find any blame in her eyes. No accusation or hate. I know that I will be lucky if I ever get her trust and friendship back, but I vow to myself that I will do whatever it takes. As for her love, that is an entirely different matter. But it is enough to know that Sarah Mackenzie doesn't hate me for what I have done. That simple truth in her eyes gives me hope.  
  
  
  
END CHAPTER 7  
  
I'm getting to shippy land, PLEASE be patient. =0) Everyone would shoot me and tell me it was unbelievable if I did it too quickly. I just came up with the final scene for this story and you're going to love it. How much depends on where you're reading this! ;0) This is the edited version, after all.. ;0)  
  
Spoilers: For those wanting to know when they get shippy scenes, even in the tiniest amount.. Let me think. AH yes.. the next chapter has some tiny shipper scenes in it. Mac leaning on Harm a little.. but to get to the full blown stuff is in chapter 9 or 10. Can't remember. 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Unfinished Business: Chapter 8 Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net)  
  
Disclaimers in part 1  
  
3 days later  
  
Enroute to Dulles.  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
Today has seemed like a waking dream. I dressed in my uniform for the first time in almost 2 years. It actually took me a minute to notice that my silver oak leaves had been replaced by birds; signifying my promotion to full Colonel. I wonder when that happened? At my questioning glance, Harm merely smiled and told me I had more than earned it. He has been promoted to Captain and I think the bars look good on him. He told me as well that Bud had made Lt. Commander. The best news I've heard though is that Bud and Harriet have a 6-month-old girl. I am so incredibly happy for them, but when he told me they had named her Sarah. I was humbled and touched to have been given that honor.  
  
As I look out the tiny pane of the window, I wonder how to meld my old life with my new one. It all seems pretty daunting at the moment and I wonder what my decision will be regarding staying in the Marines and JAG. I don't think I really want to leave the Marines, but I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed at the moment. I have a week off to re-acclimate to the life I left behind, but that hardly seems like enough.  
  
It feels odd to be away from Jabir and I miss him terribly. He promised to come soon and I know Clay and the Admiral are doing everything they can to bring him to the states quickly. Webb left just after we talked and the Admiral had to follow him shortly. That only left Harm to stay with me until I was cleared medically to make the return trip home. At first I wasn't sure that I wanted him to stay. I have been struggling to understand what I still feel for him. At times it seems awkward and foreign, but at other times it seems like the most natural thing in the world to be sitting next to him. To see his smile and to hear his voice. When he looks at me sometimes its almost as if I never left. As if his cold words are washed away along with 2 years of believing he doesn't care. But so much has happened since I left.  
  
As much as I have changed over the last 2 years, so has Harm. It's just been the last day that I've really noticed the subtle differences. He's still strong, but more vulnerable somehow. I can't really explain it; it's more a look in his eyes than anything else. And although his flyboy grin is still there, there seems to be a sadness lurking just beneath its surface. I wonder what brought about the changes in him. What could have possibly made such an impact on Harmon Rabb, Jr?  
  
I fidget trying to get comfortable and I can feel Harm looking at me. He really has been so sweet about trying to help me with everything, especially after Jabir had to leave. At first I thought he was solely motivated by guilt, but I can see the concern in his eyes. After what happened before I left, I have to admit that I'm wary about letting him too close to me, emotionally. But if I am honest with myself, there is a part of me that will always belong to him.  
  
I am happy with Jabir and I love him. He helped make me whole and gave me what I so badly needed. It isn't just what he has done for me that made me fall in love with him; it's the man that he is. But love is unique with each person that you feel it for, and once someone holds a piece of you I think they are a part of you for the rest of your life.  
  
I sigh thinking about the long flight back with the wounds and stitches in my side giving me so much grief, but at least we're flying first class. Webb arranged it and I have to laugh thinking of how useful this situation is going to be. I recline my chair back as far as it can go and finally find a comfortable position. My body is still exhausted from the trauma it has been through and sleep comes quickly.  
  
  
  
Harriet's POV****  
  
Colonel Mackenzie is alive! It seems impossible but I am so grateful. We have missed her so much, and I know Captain Rabb has suffered without her. Right now I am rushing around my house trying to get lil AJ and baby Sarah ready to go with us to the airport. OH! I just realized she might not even know about baby Sarah, but I'm sure the Captain told her. When I found out I was pregnant again, I was so excited. I know it might seem strange to some that we named this child the same as our little one that we lost, but it just felt right. When I asked Captain Rabb what he thought, he just smiled and said that Sarah would be so honored if she were here. I don't know why he started calling her Sarah instead of Mac, but I suspect it made him feel closer to her. He has always been wonderful with lil AJ, but he is extra tender and sweet with baby Sarah. I think whenever he holds her, he feels closer to the Colonel.  
  
I hope that she and Captain Rabb are doing ok. I don't know if she knows yet how he feels about her, and not knowing what happened while she was gone. well, I just hope that they can finally work things out. She deserves so much happiness and he loves her so much. Maybe they can both finally be happy. I am anxious to hear all about what happened when she was gone and how she managed to stay alive, and how Webb found her. Oh my, I better not bombard her all at once. Bud just walked in the door with the biggest grin on his face. He is excited too. He looked up to Colonel Mackenzie a lot. She was always kind to him and looked out for Bud. I know he has missed her terribly.  
  
I feel the tingles of excitement rush through me for the millionth time today and I find myself amazed all over again that they found her. The Admiral didn't say much when he called, but he did tell me that she was wounded badly and would have to wait a few days to come back. I sensed there was a lot he didn't say and I wonder what happened over there. In less than an hour Bud and I will be meeting her and Captain Rabb at Dulles. The only hard part about this is the difficulty I had explaining to lil AJ that his Aunt Mac was back from heaven. I wonder if he will even remember her, but I hope so. I have spent all week trying to remind him of who she was by looking at pictures and telling him stories. But it's been. wow, almost 2 years since she left.  
  
  
  
1500  
  
Dulles Airport  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
Mac looks completely exhausted and I know her wounds must be causing her a lot of pain. "Mac, you don't look so good." I'm back to calling her Mac. It was too awkward for her when I called her Sarah. She seemed too uneasy every time I did.  
  
"I don't feel so good. Can we wait for a minute until everyone is off? I don't think I can handle getting bumped around right now." There is a fine sheen of sweat forming on her forehead and I know she has to be hurting. I reach into my carryon and pull out the prescription the doctor gave her for the pain. She looks at me warily but when she doesn't protest I get even more worried. Right now I'm glad that I made sure only Bud and Harriet met us today. I didn't think she would be up to seeing many people right off and I can tell it was the right decision. She leans back and closes her eyes, but it's a good ten minutes before the plane empties out.  
  
"Come on marine, time to get out of here." She looks up with the most vulnerable look in her eyes and my breath catches.  
  
"Harm, I've been gone for a long time. What if I can't do this?" I didn't even think of her concerns in that regard and I want to kick myself for being so insensitive.  
  
"I've got you Mac. Don't worry, it'll all work out." I blush at my words but she seems too tired to notice. Instead she just smiles at me gratefully and I find myself falling for her all over again. She's so tired I have to help her up and I walk with my arm around her for support. I don't want her to be in pain, but I cherish these few moments when she is leaning on me, seemingly trusting me. I know that once she is feeling better physically, the walls will probably come back up.  
  
Just before the exit, she hesitates. I feel her need to do this on her own and I let go, though I stay as close as possible in case she needs me. She squares her shoulders and slowly walks out the door. In spite of her pain and exhaustion, she looks like she's ready to take on the world.  
  
Bud's POV**  
  
I think we're at the right gate, but I haven't seen the Captain or Colonel come out yet. The last person walked off a couple of minutes ago and I'm really wondering if I wrote something down wrong. I hope not, that would be pretty embarrassing.  
  
"Honey, are you sure we're at the right gate?" I mumble nervously and start to look around. My son keeps asking if I'm sure Aun Mac is coming back from heaven today. The poor kid is going to be confused again. It took us forever to try and convince him she wasn't coming back. And now, we had to tell him that she got special permission to return. I know this is going to cost me a fortune in therapy for him when he gets older.  
  
"Mommy, I want Aun Mac and Unca Harm." Harriet tries to distract him but that is only going to work so long. Just as I'm about to suggest we check with a gate agent, movement at the exit of the jetway catches my eye. I almost wouldn't have recognized her if it weren't for Captain Rabb staying protectively by her side. It's kinda uncanny how different she looks, while looking the same too. It reminds me of a body snatchers episode I saw once on TV. It was really spooky. Eww, I wonder if that stuff really happens?  
  
Harriet and I both stand at attention as soon as they come close enough. Colonel Mackenzie manages a weak smile and shakes her head. "Some things don't change."  
  
"At ease you two." Captain Rabb laughs  
  
"Ma'm, it's so good to have you back. I can't believe you aren't dead, but you look so different." Kill me now before I say anything else stupid. I'm just so excited to see her that my mouth is getting ahead of me.  
  
Harriet's POV***  
  
The colonel looks so tired and weak it breaks my heart, but as soon as she sees baby Sarah sleeping in Bud's arms her expression softens and turns wistful.  
  
"Is this her?"  
  
Nodding, I ask if she wants to hold her.  
  
"No, I don't want to wake her up." As she softly touches her cheek, she seems to be somewhere else entirely. "She's so precious and she's just. beautiful." Looking back to Bud and I, her eyes glisten. "I'm so happy for the two of you."  
  
"I hope you don't mind that we named her Sarah. It just felt right and.."  
  
"Harriet, I couldn't be more honored that you would choose to name her that."  
  
"Permission to hug the Colonel?"  
  
"Consider it an order, and its Mac." I try to hug her as softly as possible but she still grimaces slightly in pain. I start to ask her about how she got shot, but then I see her wedding ring and I get completely side tracked.  
  
"Ma'm. When did this happen?" When I saw it I could tell by the look in Captain Rabb's eyes that it wasn't his ring on her finger. Now I really want to know what happened while she was gone.  
  
"A little over 2 months ago. It's a long story." She smiles weakly and I am suddenly aware that Captain Rabb is actually helping her stay standing at this point.  
  
"Oh look at me being the busybody. Lets get you out of here so that you can rest." It's at that moment that lil AJ decides to make his presence known.  
  
"Aun Mac?" He is a little unsure at first and seems to be thinking seriously about something. "Did you really get to come back from heaven? Did you see my goldfish, Arnie? Daddy said that even fish go to heaven." The Colonel seems confused, but it only lasts for a moment and I remember why I love her so much. She stares back at him and makes a look like she is thinking really hard about something.  
  
"Was he about this big?" At his surprised nod she smiles and continues. "Yep, I think I met him. He had a friend with him too." At her mention of a friend for his lost goldfish my son's eyes grow bright and he smiles. Before I can stop him he rushes to her and hugs her around the legs. Looking up he adds in his best grown up voice. "I'm glad you came back, Aun Mac. But I don't think you should go again. Unca Harm misses you too much."  
  
The unsure look that the Colonel gives the Captain breaks my heart. She still doesn't know how he feels, and he will never tell her with another man's ring on her finger.  
  
3 hours later  
  
Enroute to Mac's Apt  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
I am completely exhausted. It was so good to see Bud and Harriet again, but I just didn't have the energy to answer all their questions. I can't believe how much lil AJ has grown. When he asked me about being in heaven, it took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. That poor little guy has to be so confused. And baby Sarah is adorable. I can't wait to really spend some time with them.  
  
As Harm drives me home, I find myself searching for familiar places. I see a store or two that I don't recognize, but the area has remained the same for the most part. I find a strange comfort in that and wonder what awaits me at my apartment. My thoughts turn to Harm and how considerate and protective he has been. He's been pretty quiet most of the evening. Staying just close enough to help if I need it, but far enough away to give me the space I need. I think it will take awhile to regain our friendship, but today gave me hope that it's possible. Lil AJ's statement about Harm missing me too much caught me off guard. I wonder what he meant.  
  
"We're here. You sure you won't stay at my place. You're still pretty weak." His eyes are full of concern and not for the first time I have to stop myself from wondering what he is feeling.  
  
"No. I need to be in my own place. Speaking of, how did you get my apartment back?" He just shrugs his shoulders and tells me it was Webb's doing. As I walk up to my apt, I am filled with mixed emotions. Harm opens the door and I walk in slowly. Looking around, I feel like I've been transported back in time. As far as I can tell, most everything is the way it was when I left. Of course, after 2 years my memory might not be that good. I immediately go to my couch and practically collapse. I vaguely hear Harm put some things in my room and then he comes back out to the front room.  
  
"Um, there are a few of your things that are still at my apt. I'll bring them over tomorrow if it's ok." I mumble an ok, wondering why he has some of my stuff at his place, but I'm really too tired to think about it. It feels so good to lie down. I don't think I am going to make it to my bed. Harm must know this because he stands over me silently and then without saying anything scoops me up and takes me to my room. I'm too tired to protest and he places me softly on my bed. I mumble that I can handle the rest and he quietly leaves my room and closes my bedroom door. I barely make it out of my clothes before I collapse into blissful sleep and hope that Jabir comes soon.  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
Being with her all day, but not being able to touch her or tell her I love her is killing me. She's so weak right now; I just want to take care of everything for her. I know that isn't my place and I know I have to be patient in gaining her friendship back, but . It's just so hard. I wonder if this is how she felt, wanting to move forward with me, but me being unwilling to do so. Now that I am ready, she belongs to another. I haven't been able to find a single thing about him that I dislike, other than the fact that he has her and I don't. Truthfully, I respect him because he truly makes her happy. He doesn't have the arrogance that Brumby did and I'm not even going to compare him to Dalton or Chris.  
  
I groan thinking of how awkward Lil AJ's statement was about me missing her. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind if she knows how much it hurt me to believe she was dead. I just don't think she's ready to hear about how I feel yet and I don't want to push her. I've caused her enough pain already. She has kept the small amount of conversation we have had steered away from any topic of us. When I started to apologize to her in the hospital for my cold words the night before and the day she left, she just turned away from me. I barely heard her whisper pleading with me not to talk about it.  
  
I walk around the apartment and am impressed by how quickly Webb had things put together. I wonder how he could so exactly arrange things the way they were. Hah, The spook probably took pictures of everything before I cleaned it out. Kinda weird in a sweet sort of way, I guess. No, the word sweet doesn't really come to mind when I think of Webb. It's just weird.  
  
I know that I should leave and go back to my apartment, but I'm worried about leaving her alone. What if something goes wrong and she needs help in the middle of the night? I rationalize that the Admiral sort of gave me an order when he said to watch out for her and I really wouldn't want to disobey an order.. Well, if I sleep on the couch and get up early enough she'll never know I stayed. I decide this is my best option and struggle to fit my long frame on her couch. This is going to be a long night, but I wouldn't have gotten any sleep at my place worrying about her anyway. I just hope that the small amount of progress we've made towards recapturing our friendship won't disappear.  
  
  
  
END CHAPTER 8  
  
ARGH!! Sorry this chapter is a bit choppy and disjointed. I could have held onto it for days to try and make it what I wanted, but I think I got fed up with it so you got it anyway. I know, I'll blame it on the characters being confused and having conflicting feelings. How does that sound?? =0) Ok, only tiny shipper scenes, but it's the base to build on. LOL. I wanted to say thanks for the kind reviews and encouraging emails. Believe me, they help motivate me. =0) I'm writing the next chapter as soon as I post this. 


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Unfinished Business: Ch 9  
  
Author: Nala (nala@fanfiction.net)  
  
Disclaimers in Pt 1.  
  
3 days later  
  
0800  
  
Mac's Apt  
  
I stretch lazily under my covers as the images of my dream replay in my mind. I groan in frustration and hope that Jabir gets here soon. The phone's insistent ringing pulls me out of bed and I manage to grab it just before my machine picks up.  
  
"Hello?" My voice is groggy and I barely manage to mumble it in English.  
  
"Mac? Is that you?" The hopefulness in Chloe's sweet voice nearly makes me cry.  
  
"Chloe? Sweetie. I'm so glad you called. I've missed you so much!" Her response is muffled by her tears as she tries to tell me how much she has missed me too. Guilt rages through me again as I think of all the pain that I have put my friends through.  
  
"So, you're really ok and everything?" She sniffs.  
  
"Yeah, I'm better than ok now that you've called. How are you? There's so much I want to know about the last two years."  
  
"I know. Can you come visit?"  
  
"I'll try, but it's going to be difficult for me to leave here anytime soon. Do you think you could come down here?" Chloe tells me that she'll ask her grandma when she comes home. The hour is spent catching each other up as much as possible and she tells me all about the camping trip she just barely returned from. She seems all grown up and I hate that I have missed out on so much of her life. When she asks me about what happened while I was gone, I pause and wonder what I can and should tell her.  
  
"Oh Chloe, that's a long story. And I'm not sure what is still classified. But I do have big news." I bite my lip unconsciously as I wonder what her reaction will be. She struggled with Mic at first and then when I didn't marry him she was mad at me for it. Well, she was mad at Harm too. I take a deep breath and try to remember that she's still young and it might be hard for her to understand. "I'm married."  
  
"You're married?!" her exasperation and complete disbelief are evident. I struggle with how to explain that I am married to the man who essentially made me disappear from everyone's lives. Sometimes it still strikes ME as strange and I don't know how to explain to everyone else. I reassure myself that they'll understand as soon as they meet him.  
  
"It's not Harm, is it?" she already knows the answer and seems crestfallen  
  
"No, but I think you'll like him. He's so kind and he's really handsome and."  
  
She cuts me off with a frustrated sigh. "Mac, you were supposed to marry Harm."  
  
I feel a tinge of loss and regret at her comment, but then I see Jabir's smile in my mind and I think of how much I love him.  
  
"Chloe, Harm and I weren't going to work out. He just didn't feel the same way that I did. But that's all in the past. I love Jabir and he makes happy."  
  
"But Mac. Harm does too love you. He even said so at the funeral."  
  
My heart stops at her revelation and I feel lightheaded. "Chloe, what are you talking about?"  
  
"At your funeral. He told everyone how much he loved you and how sorry he was and.."  
  
Understanding dawns on me as she keeps talking. She's mistaking being in love with loving me as a friend. He was probably feeling guilty too for the way he acted before I left, but that's all. How can I make her understand?  
  
"Chloe, Harm only loves me as a friend. Not as someone he wants to marry."  
  
"Mac, that's not true!.. oh, hang on." I can hear her grandma calling to her in the background. She asks her grandma if she can come visit me and breathlessly tells me that it's up to me when she comes. I assure her that we'll do it soon and I hear her grandmother telling her that they have to leave or she'll be late.  
  
"I gotta go, but we'll talk again soon and figure out when I can come, right?"  
  
"Yeah. Chloe, I love you." As I hang up the phone, I wonder how I could have ever struggled with coming back. In some ways being here is still strange and I know there will be adjustments, but I don't think I realized how badly I missed my friends.  
  
The last few days I've kept myself busy looking up laws and policy to try and help get Jabir here faster. There isn't much that I can do, but Webb dropped by yesterday and let me know that he felt he was making good progress in bringing Jabir here as a political refuge. He could have told me that on the phone, but I think he was trying to check up on me too. I just hope there isn't anything he isn't telling me. If he gets Jabir involved with the CIA in ANY way I will do serious bodily harm to him. Clay also brought my vette by that I guess Harm had stored for me as well. I look around the room again and notice that there aren't hardly any pictures of mine here. That seems strange. Harm did mention that he had a few things of mine, but why would he have my pictures? He was supposed to bring my things by the night after I got back but he got called away on an investigation to Norfolk.  
  
I have talked with Jabir everyday since I've been here. If its possible, I think he is suffering more than I am in being apart from each other. He's been so supportive of me in my struggle to make a decision about returning to active military status and fully agrees with me that I should go back to JAG for a few weeks before I decide. I think I'll go in today to talk with the Admiral. It will be the first time I've been back to the office and I'm a little nervous about how I will feel once I get there, but better now than putting it off.  
  
I shower and get ready as quickly as I can. I walk out my apartment and feel strange that I'm not covered practically from head to toe and that I'm alone. As I look at my car I have a strange sense of freedom for the first time in months. I relish the thought of being out on my own, racing though the streets in my vette. That is something I definitely missed while in Iraq and even with Jabir. Here, I can go and do anything I want, when I want.  
  
I make it to JAG HQ in record time; okay I might have sped a little bit. What can I say? Being behind the engine of a powerful machine is exhilarating to me. I never felt that way until I got this car, before it was just about transportation. I didn't wear my uniform into the office so the guard stops me and I have to get a visitor's badge. Truthfully, it still feels a little weird to look at all the uniforms hanging in my closet and even stranger to look at myself in the mirror when I'm wearing it. As I walk into the bullpen, I mentally gear myself up for the feelings that I know are going to flood through me. Ok, I can do this.  
  
Harriet's POV*** Today has been crazy. Lt Singer and my husband just went up against each other in court again. She was her devious nasty self as usual, but this time Bud kicked her six. I can't hold back the smirk I have as she huffs past me grumbling and slams the door to her office. I still relish the day I gave her a black eye. Nothing has ever felt so right than when I smacked her a good one for her attitude that night. She pretended to be sorry when Colonel Mackenzie went missing, but I think she was secretly glad that the Colonel wouldn't be standing in her way of becoming the first female JAG. As if that is ever going to happen. Whoa, speaking of. Colonel Mackenzie is here, in civvies, and is looking around the bullpen. At least there are still a few of us here from before she left. Hopefully that will help her not feel too out of place. I'm glad that she's looking physically stronger today, but the differences in her appearance are more visible too. Her hair is longer and she has a softer aura about her than she used to. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't look like a pushover... But there are definite changes in her bearing. I look closer and find that in spite of her discomfort at being here, there is an underlying peace to her.  
  
"Ma'm. How are you?" I rush over and give her a soft hug.  
  
"Harriet, its Mac. Especially when I am out of uniform." She looks around nervously. "Is the Admiral in? I need to talk with him for a few minutes."  
  
Oh, she must be here to give him a decision. I wonder what she'll do. I want to ask, but I don't want to pry either. "I think so. Let's just check with his yeoman." As we walk to his office, I hear an enthusiastic hello from Tiner.  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie. You're back! Its so good to see you Ma'm." He stands there beaming in the most eager way, as only Tiner can. I can tell he is waiting for her to notice that he has been promoted to Lt. JG. Tiner went through OCS after he completed his pre-law degree. The Colonel notices and smiles broadly at him when he explains that he is in his first year of law school. They exchange a few words but then he gets notified of an appt and he has to leave.  
  
"Hinckley, is the Admiral available? Colonel Mackenzie is here to see him." Hinckley's eyes widen as she recognizes the name and stares at the Colonel. She seems to catch herself and calls the Admiral, gaining permission for her to come in. I watch as the Colonel somewhat hesitatingly enters the office and closes the door behind her. I just hope she has decided to come back and at least give it a try. I am still dying to talk with her and get all the details of what happened while she was gone, but I think she is still trying to adjust to everything.  
  
Same time  
  
Admiral Chegwidden's office (and his POV*** LOL)  
  
Mac's here? Didn't I give her the week off to make a decision and recuperate? Wariness floods through me as I realize she is probably here to give me her decision. This can't be easy for her, but I really hope she doesn't give up the Marines and JAG. I think she will be making a mistake if she lets go entirely of her old life. I know part of my hope that she stays is selfish, she is or was one of my top attorneys. I have no doubt that she will be again, if she comes back.  
  
I watch her walk into my office. She's looking better, but I'm amazed at how beautiful she is. She is still a little pale, but her hair is longer and she has a softer look to her. She just has that inner contentment that only loving and being loved back brings to a person. I have always thought Mac was beautiful, but she often hid it under her uniform. She seemed almost uncomfortable with her looks. But now, she exudes quiet contentment and unassuming beauty. She's dressed in civilian clothes today and I frown to myself thinking that's probably not a good sign.  
  
"Mac. You're looking better." I smile and motion for her to have a seat. She's looking around at everything and I wonder if she feels out of place here.  
  
"Thank you sir. You're office hasn't changed much and I see Tiner is on his way to becoming a lawyer." Her words come out a little slow and there's still a trace of an accent. She must still be struggling with the transition to speaking English.  
  
"I know. Would you have ever thought he would make it into law school?" She grins and shakes her head.  
  
"How are you doing?" Her only response is a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Mac, I know there's a lot for you to adjust to. Just give yourself some time. It'll come to you and you'll know what to do."  
  
"Well actually. I have made a decision about my military status. Jabir and I have talked and we both feel strongly that I should spend some time back here before coming to a final decision." She looks up at me nervously. "I know that you want a firm commitment, but I don't know that I can honestly give that to you until I've been back for a while." She's obviously unsure about my response to her request. I, however, am relieved that she wants to give it a try and find myself letting go of a breath I didn't know I was holding.  
  
"I couldn't expect anymore from you than that. I was hoping you would at least give us a chance. How do you feel about starting back on Monday?" She smiles gratefully and nods.  
  
I fix a steely gaze at her as I try to determine if she is physically up to it.  
  
Seemingly reading my mind, "I'm going to go insane with boredom if I stay home any longer. I might need to take it easy physically for the first few days, but I think I'm up to it." She hesitatingly adds, "Um, Sir. It's been a long time since I tried a case."  
  
"I understand. I'll have you sit second chair for the first few until you get comfortable again. Actually, Rabb doesn't have a partner right now and he could use the help." At my mention of Rabb she looks a little uncomfortable. I know I might be pushing it to put those two back together and I start to think better of it. "Or, Lt. Commander Roberts is available, but I hate to have you sit second chair to a junior officer."  
  
"I'll leave that up to your judgment, Sir. But if you can avoid putting me with Singer I would appreciate it." The smile she gives me lets me know she is only half joking.  
  
"I'd only do that if I was mad at you. Besides she's going to be furious once I kick her out of your old office." We both laugh and she seems more relieved than when she walked into my office. "Any word on Jabir?"  
  
"Nothing concrete sir. I just hope it's soon. Due to some legal technicalities with our marriage, he can't get resident status based on that. Webb is trying for political refuge." I give her an understanding smile and my new yeoman buzzes me that my 1300 apt is here.  
  
"Colonel, I'll see you at 0800 on Monday. Singer will be out of your office by Friday so feel free to come in on the weekend if you want to get things set up." She smiles her thanks and leaves my office. I grin widely as I think that things around here are definitely looking up.  
  
Mac's POV**  
  
Well, that went better than I thought. I start on Monday and I feel no small amount of pleasure that I get my old office back and Singer gets kicked out of it. As I'm walking out, I see Harm's office. The light is off so I know he must still be out on the investigation. Looking in I can see that his office is full of pictures. They're everywhere. I wonder who they're of, but I don't want to be nosy and just walk into his office without him here.  
  
"Hello, Ma'm. If you're looking for Captain Rabb, he's on an investigation." I don't even have to turn around to know who belongs to that annoying voice. I turn and fix her with my best fake smile.  
  
"Yes, Lt. Singer. I am aware of that."  
  
"Its good to see you again Ma'm. I hope you won't be a stranger around here now that you've come back." She smiles smugly and walks away. Hah, don't count on it; starting on Monday.  
  
As I turn away from Singer, I see Harriet watching me closely. I can tell she's dying for me to tell her what I just told the Admiral. Bless Harriet's heart. I know she is anxious to ask me a million questions and I'm actually looking forward to telling her all about Jabir.  
  
"Ma'm. Do you have to leave or do you have a few minutes to chat?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd like that. Where can we go to talk?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure Captain Rabb won't mind if we use his office. He won't be back until tomorrow."  
  
Well, I did want to see who all the pictures are of. Why not? I nod my head yes and follow her in. She starts to ask me how my meeting went with the Admiral, but as I start to look around at the pictures the room seems to close in on me. So far every single one of them is of me or of Harm and I together. My eyes fix on one that literally takes my breath away. It's a picture of Sergei, Harm, and I at a county fair. Sergei is laughing his head off and Harm has a full-blown flyboy grin on his face. But I am looking up at him and its obvious to anyone that I am completely in love with him. I feel the blood drain from my face and my hands start to shake. I look up to Harriet and see concern in her face.  
  
I struggle to regain my composure. It's been awhile since I had to deal with those feelings for him. I've accepted that Harm and I were never meant to be, but I don't understand why there are so many pictures of me here. Did he really miss me that much?  
  
Harriet seems to read my mind as she softly explains, "Ma'm. He missed you a lot when you were gone. When they declared you MIA and had your memorial service.." She stops and seems to be debating on telling me something. "I thought we were going to lose him as well. This was his way of keeping you close."  
  
"But Harriet. He doesn't care about me that way. He made that clear before I left." Before she has a chance to respond, I feel his presence at the door. I'm afraid to look at him and Harriet suddenly remembers something that needs to be done right away. I sit numbly as he walks in and closes the door behind him. Silence envelopes us and he sits down in his chair, turning to his window.  
  
I feel his gaze come back to me and his voice is full or regret. "I'm sorry I let you think that, Mac. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life when I let you leave not knowing how I really felt. I've been paying for it every day that you've been gone. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you."  
  
His statement stuns me. Is he telling me what I think he is? He gets up from behind his desk and takes the chair next to me. I can't meet his eyes and I stare at my hands. "Harm, I.. I'm married and I'm happy." My voice pleads with him to understand. Why now?  
  
"I know Sarah. And I don't want to push anything on you, but I can't help how I feel. When you were declared MIA, I swore to myself that I would never leave anything important unsaid again. I vowed that if I ever got to see your beautiful face again, I would tell you what a fool I was the night before you left, and so many other times."  
  
No, he can't be doing this now. I can't handle this. "Please don't do this Harm. We have to work together."  
  
"You're coming back to JAG?" His voice is soft, but I can hear the happiness in it.  
  
I nod my head, grateful for the departure in our conversation. "Jabir and I felt it would be best for me to come back for awhile before I make a final decision."  
  
"Oh, so you're still not sure you want to come back for good?"  
  
"How can I be? It's been almost 2 years since I walked into a courtroom. I may not have what it takes anymore. I just don't know. Look, I've got to go." I feel trapped and overwhelmed and my only instinct is to get away from him, from what he's trying to tell me. I stand and open the door as quickly as I can; hoping to discourage him from going back to our earlier conversation.  
  
"Mac."  
  
His sentence is interrupted as Sturgis walks up. "Hey Mac! Good to see you! So, are you coming back to keep us sailors in line?"  
  
I am SO grateful for Sturgis' timing right now. I flash him my best grin, "You better believe it. Starting Monday this Marine is going to be whipping you squids back into shape." He laughs and tells he me doesn't doubt it. As he asks Harm about a case, I escape through the door and am grateful that Harriet's observant eyes are pointed in the opposite direction.  
  
As I drive home, all I can think about is that Harm is in love with me. I know he didn't say it, but he didn't have to. I'm torn by the fact that what I wanted most in my life is now right in front of me. I never expected to be faced with this and I wonder what do I do now? I thought I was over my feelings for Harm, but his confession brought them all to the surface again. Where do I go from here? My heart aches and I know there's only one answer. I just hope that I have the strength to let go of the love of a good man.  
  
END CHAPTER 9  
  
All I can say, is this is getting MUCH longer than I ever intended. LOL. Can I beg for NICE reviews from those who feel inclined to post one here?? I want to reach a 100. =0) 


	10. Chapter 10

Changed my profile name on the yahoo groups from Wildwoman28_2001 to nala_jagnut. Hopefully that won't throw anyone off.  
  
Title: Unfinished Business: Chapter 10/? Author: Nala (Nala@fanfiction.net, wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimers in Part 1  
  
Denotes conversation in Arabic  
  
  
  
1 week later  
  
1730 EST  
  
Mac's office  
  
I sit back in my chair and stretch the kinks out. Sighing, I realize I made it through the first week back. The Admiral partnered me with Harm on a case he was already working on. I have tried to put it out of my mind, that Harm loves me. I've even managed to rationalize most of it away, but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To let go of him and move on in my life with Jabir. I do love Harm, but my future is with Jabir.  
  
***( I think I can hear the moans and shrieks of shippers all over. Hang in there. I know, as if you haven't been hanging on for awhile!)  
  
I look across the bullpen to see Harm deep in thought at his computer. I feel a little guilty for noticing how good he still looks to me. I sigh thinking of how much I miss Jabir. The look in his eyes when he talks to me and the tender things he does without realizing it... Yeah, I've got it bad.  
  
I'm still struggling some with speaking everything in English. Sometimes I still let something slip in Arabic; usually when I am deep in thought. Fortunately, everyone just thinks its funny and a source of good ribbing. Of course there are advantages to forgetting and saying something in Arabic... Especially when its in frustration directed towards Singer.  
  
I have to admit now that I am back that I REALLY missed this. The camaraderie and the sense of purpose in feeling like I am doing something worthwhile with my time is. well, satisfying to say the least.  
  
My internal clock beeps at me to let me know that I need to get moving. My 'welcome back' party is tonight and I am truthfully half looking forward to it and half dreading it. I have shared the unclassified details of what happened to me while I was gone with most everyone. I've had to tell the story so many times that I should have just written a memo and given it to the office.  
  
Grabbing my things I close my office up and walk out. I hesitate at the thought of saying good night to Harm, but I'll see him later at the Admiral's. At least, I think he'll be there.  
  
2030 EST  
  
Admiral Chegwidden's Home: Mac's welcome home party  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
She looks so beautiful tonight. She has a dress on that flatters her curves in exactly the right places. The top of the dress leaves her shoulders bare and her hair falls softly against them. I remember how soft her skin was and I long to run my fingers across it. I love the way she tilts her head when she laughs at something and the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles. She is absolutely stunning. Even more so than when she left, if that's possible. As much as it hurts, I am happy for her because she is truly happy. I don't question that at all like I did with that Australian bugme. Suck it up, Rabb. She belongs to someone else. I don't realize I'm staring until Sturgis comes up next to me.  
  
"You ok, Harm?"  
  
"Yeah, I just wish things were. different." I sigh.  
  
"You know, you have to find a way to move on. She's, well she's happy and I'm guessing her husband is going to come here?"  
  
"Yeah, its complicated but they're trying for that. Sturgis, how am I supposed to 'move on'? There isn't anyone else for me. Damn it. Why was I such a fool?"  
  
"Harm, you can't keep beating yourself up over something that you can't change. I know it's hard, but you have to let go."  
  
His last few words are like a stake being driven right into my heart. "I don't know how, Sturgis." I mumble and walk away.  
  
Harriet's POV***  
  
Wow, the Colonel, er Mac, looks beautiful. Captain Rabb has been watching her all night. I can tell he's hurting, but he has been sweet with her. He loves her enough to want her to be happy, even if it isn't with him. They seemed to work ok together this week, so it gives me hope that things will eventually be back to normal. If you could ever call anything between those two normal.  
  
I see Clayton Webb just walked in and has someone with him. Wow, he's gorgeous. I wonder why he's here. He's walking up to Colonel Mackenzie and. he just put his arms around her from behind? Who. oh, that must be her husband! He's here!  
  
Mac's POV*** "Caroline, you can't be serious. Your client actually did that, in court. He just dropped his trowsers as proof and mooned the judge?" As she just nods, Caroline Imes, Mattoni's wife and I dissolve into laughter.  
  
I see their eyes move past me and their gazes grow curious. I start to turn to see what has caught their attention, but before I can move I feel his arms around me and a flood of joy and relief rushes through me.  
  
"Jabir?"  
  
"Amirah." His deep voice sends waves of pleasure through me. I turn to look up at him and everything else fades away. Neither of us says anything as we drink in the sight of each other. I touch his face just to make sure I'm not having another dream, but the feeling of his warm skin convinces me he is real.  
  
"You're really here?" my voice is shaky and my eyes start to tear as I see his sweet smile.  
  
Yes. Your Mr. Webb brought me. I am suddenly aware that Webb is standing just behind him trying his best to look nonchalant. Jabir moves to my side and places his arm around my waist. I look to Clay who has somewhere along the way become someone other than 'Webb' to me. I struggle to find the words to thank him.  
  
"Clay, I don't even know what to say. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it." He just smiles and tells me softly that he knows. I look up to Jabir again and I can feel his love washing over me. In that same instant, I can feel Harm's pain and my heart breaks as I look across the room. His attempt at a smile letting me know he is happy for me never reaches his brilliant eyes. I am still so aware of his presence and I wonder if I will always be tortured by my love for the man I had to let go.  
  
I look around to all the curious gazes and I smile again at Jabir. I try to calm my shaky voice before I introduce him to my friends. I know it's obvious by now who he is, but I want so badly for all of them to meet the man I love, my husband. I'm saved as the Admiral graciously walks up to Jabir and extends his hand.  
  
"Jabir, its good to see you again. Your wife has been missing you something awful." His eyes twinkle and I can tell he's trying to lighten the mood. The Admiral talks with us for a while and then we slowly make our way through the rest of the group. I'm excited that my friends seem to take to him instantly, but that isn't hard with Jabir. His kindness always wins people over.  
  
As I turn, I realize with dread that the only person I haven't introduced him to is Singer who seems to be locked onto us like a heat-seeking missile. As she approaches I try to paste on a smile but I mumble in Arabic a certain plague I wish would befall her.  
  
"Ma'm. I just wanted the chance to meet your handsome husband." This woman just irks me and the way she is ogling Jabir makes me want to inflict serious pain!  
  
"Lt. Singer, this is my husband, Jabir." I smile tersely and then look to Jabir. His eyes are still dancing with amusement at my previous mumblings.  
  
"The lieutenant works in our office as another lawyer." I'm hoping to leave it at that but Singer presses on in her tacky way.  
  
"I understand that you own several oil wells in Iraq and Kuwait. You must be very wealthy." My eyes narrow as I try to anticipate where she is taking this conversation. "I'm sure now that you are here your 'wife' will want to settle down and have a family. I believe in your culture the women don't really have careers."  
  
Jabir senses me tense and I think he's mildly afraid I am going to attack her because he places his arm around me. As he turns his eyes to me, I can see his understanding of my dislike for the woman in front of us. "Oh, I'm not sure that Amirah will ever 'settle down' and I would never keep her from doing something that she loves. I think she will be at JAG for a long time."  
  
The disappointed look on Singer's face makes it hard for me not to laugh. "Oh, of course. Well, it was nice to meet you." As she walks away I am reminded all over again why I love this man so much.  
  
Jabir and I talk with Bud and Harriet for a few more minutes. I have been looking around to see if Harm is still here, but I haven't seen him for at least half an hour. I can't blame him if he left. I hate that he is hurting and it is because of me, but I know that I made the right decision.  
  
Its getting late and would really like to be alone with my husband. Searching the group, I find the Admiral and we make our way over to him.  
  
"Sir, I just wanted to thank you for everything. Tonight has been wonderful." I pause and look at Jabir. "We're going to go ahead and leave if you don't mind. Jabir is tired from the trip and..."  
  
The Admiral merely smiles at my attempt to make an excuse to leave.  
  
"Mac, I am happy for you. Now, you two get out of here. I'm sure you're anxious to have some time alone with each other."  
  
A blush creeps up my neck to my face and I thank him again. I literally drag Jabir out of the Admiral's house but we don't even make it to the car before he has me in a passionate embrace. Breaking apart for air is the only thing that seems able to slow our need for each other.  
  
Amirah, I have missed you. Promise me we will never be apart again. It is too hard for me to breathe without you beside me.  
  
His simple declaration of love brings tears to my eyes. He kisses me again and I feel desperate for more of his touch. I barely manage to pull away from him and tug him after me to the car. We definitely need to take this somewhere else or everyone is going to get to know my husband way more than I want them to.  
  
1 month later  
  
1900 EST  
  
Mac's office  
  
I don't think in all the years of wishing that I knew I would actually be this happy. Jabir and I renewed our vows to make our marriage legal last week. We had a small private ceremony with just our close friends in attendance. Harm couldn't come. He was in the Indian Ocean dealing with a mid air collision between two of our pilots. As much as I wanted him to share that with me, I think it was better that he wasn't there.  
  
When I first came back, I really hoped and believed that Harm and I could become friends again. But that was before I found out how he's in love with me. He's been so kind and has never said anything negative towards Jabir, but the pain is always there in his eyes. I don't think we'll be able to have much more than a casual friendship. Its too hard and I love him enough not to want to put him through that. I've thought about transferring to the Pentagon to make it easier on both of us, but nothing has been open.  
  
I find myself staring at him from my office across the bullpen. He is sitting and just staring at one of the pictures in his office. Shortly after I returned, he took most of them out. But there are still a few left, one of them being the picture of Sergei, him and I. As happy as I am, it is bittersweet. My happiness could never be totally complete while Harm is hurting so much. A tear falls down my cheek as I watch him touch the picture tenderly. But it is the torture in his eyes as he raises his gaze to mine that brings my tears streaming down my face. The rawness of his pain makes me avert my gaze and I wonder how much longer I can stay here knowing I am the cause of it.  
  
Harm's POV*** I can feel her eyes on me, wanting so badly to take away the pain but not being able to. I know that Mac isn't oblivious to what I feel. I think she is hurting over this almost as much as me. I have tried to stop loving her, but I don't know how. I really want her to be happy, and I think she is. But it won't ever be complete as long as she can feel my pain. As I raise my eyes to hers, I see the tears on her face. Seeing her hurting rips at my heart. As she turns away from me, I see her shoulders shaking as she cries for the other man she loves.  
  
Yes, I know that she loves me. I can see it in her eyes, but she would never be unfaithful to Jabir. She is a stronger woman than the one that made a mistake with Farrow. And I would never want to do that to her. I love her too much. I know now that I have to let go of her, if only for her sake. My only other option is to leave JAG, and I don't think I could do that. Even if I can't be the one she wakes up to every morning, I still need to have something of her. And if its only seeing her at the office and working with her on an occasional case, that will have to be enough.  
  
2 months later  
  
1800 EST  
  
Mac's office  
  
I am trying so hard to concentrate on this appeal, but I've been having the most foreboding feeling all morning. I can't help but worry about Jabir. He left yesterday to go take care of some final business deals in Kuwait. His willingness to start his life over for me is humbling. I know the change in culture and ideals will take some getting used to, but at least it isn't totally foreign to him. I smile as I think of our plans for the weekend. We're going house hunting when he gets back. Ok, focus. I can do this. Maybe I'll grab some coffee. There's no point in rushing home with Jabir gone and it would be good to get this done. As I walk out, I notice that Harm is still here. I think he's trying to get ready for the Cox court martial. For the past 2 months things have steadily gotten better between us, which gives me hope. He seems to have moved on and I'm happy for him. I feel some of the closeness returning that we used to share. Of course it won't be like it used to, but it feels good to be able to go and talk to him when I'm frustrated with a case or something.  
  
I fill my mug with coffee and walk back to my office to see Clay standing in the door. What does he want? As he turns, I feel my knees go weak at the look on his face. Please don't tell me that something happened to Jabir. Oh please no.  
  
"Mac..."  
  
He doesn't have to say anything. I can see the pain and hesitancy written into every part of him. "Mac, I'm so sorry. Jabir is dead."  
  
His voice is barely a whisper but his final words tear at my soul and leave no chance that what I feel in my heart isn't true. I vaguely register my mug crashing to the floor and the feeling of the hot liquid on my legs. Jabir is gone? No, not when everything was fitting together so perfectly in my life.  
  
Not now. This can't be happening. Shock and pain overwhelm me and I struggle to stay standing up. Just as I feel I'm about to collapse, strong arms reach around from behind me and I find myself in Harm's embrace.  
  
Rabb's POV*** The sound of something breaking pulls my attention to just outside Mac's office. She's standing there looking like her world just ended. I look over to Webb and can see the pain on his face as well. My heart stops as I realize that it must have something to do with Jabir. She looks like she's about to fall and I find myself holding her up before I can register even getting out of my chair. She's crying uncontrollably and the sound rips my heart from my chest. I look to Webb and I don't need him to say anything to confirm that Jabir must be dead. As much as I have wished that Mac and I could have a chance, I've never wanted this. The sight of her in so much pain is almost too much for me to bear and I wonder why this had to happen now; just when she finally seemed to have found true and complete happiness.  
  
2 months later  
  
1530 EST  
  
Mac's apartment  
  
I know I should get out of bed, but it makes everything too real. Here somehow I'm safer from all the pain. It's been two months and I'm still waiting for him to walk in the door, to hear him calling to me, or to feel his touch. I'm probably still in shock and denial because I keep expecting someone to tell me that it was a mistake. Jabir really is ok and I'll wake up from this nightmare.  
  
Clay told me as much as he had been able to find out. Jabir had been duped into meeting a man Sheik Al-Farabi had hired to exact revenge for Jabir's 'betrayal of the faith'. His death was quick and he probably didn't even know it was coming. For that at least I am grateful. The thought of him in pain makes me sick.  
  
I can hear someone knocking on my door, but I don't feel like getting it. I don't really want to see anyone right now. The weekends are the only escape I have from sympathetic eyes and well meaning friends. I feel guilty for having that attitude. Harm has been my rock. He took care of most of the funeral arrangements for me and made sure that everyone was notified. Everyone was so kind, but I got tired of being told that I just needed to give myself time. How can there be enough time in the world to get over the death of the man you love. Tears come again as I realize I'll never see his sweet smile or hear my name on his lips.  
  
Outside Mac's apartment  
  
Rabb's POV*** I'm worried about her. She was supposed to meet me at the park so that we could play with lil AJ and baby Sarah, but she never showed. I saw her car so I know she's home and I debate about letting myself in. She hasn't really shut me out during this time, but she's not talking about how she feels. I don't think she's talking to anyone about it. Instead just shutting it up inside her. I know it will be difficult for me to hear her talk about him, but I want so badly to help.  
  
I let myself in and notice that even though its late in the afternoon the lights are all still off. I have second thoughts about her being home until I hear her sobbing in her bedroom. Walking into her bedroom, I see her crying into her pillow. She seems so lost and the only thing I know to do is pull her into my arms. She seems to cry endlessly before her soft breathing tells me she's fallen asleep.  
  
As I sit with her sleeping in my arms, I swear to myself that I'll do anything to make the pain go away. I know it's not that simple, but I have to see her smile again and hear her sweet laugh.  
  
END CHAPTER 10  
  
Sniffle, I hated killing Jabir off. He was such a sweetie.. 


	11. Chapter 11a

Title: Unfinished business: Chapter 11a Author: Nala (nala@fanfiction.net, wildwoman28_2001@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimers in pt 1.  
  
I'm splitting this last chapter into two parts so that I can get part of the conclusion out to you. =0) Of course, the really good stuff is still in the last part. =0)  
  
1 month later  
  
1800 EST  
  
Mac's Office  
  
I stare out my office window and watch as the rain trickles down the glass. Each drop of rain follows the one before slowly down, until it unexpectedly breaks in a different direction. Looking closely at the glass I can't see anything that makes the new drop of rain change course, but it still does. Something unseen or unplanned takes them away from their intended course. I feel like one of those drops of rain. My life seemed to have finally been moving in the direction I wanted, but then..it all went to hell.  
  
I silently chastise myself. Feeling sorry for myself won't change anything and I'll only stay miserable. I know Jabir wouldn't want that. I move back to my chair and sit back down at my desk. I catch Harm's form at the corner of my eye and pick up the first file I can find, pretending to bury myself in it.  
  
"Hey Mac. A couple of us are getting together at McMurphy's tonight. Want to come?"  
  
His look is hopeful, but I'm not in the mood for a noisy bar and the energy it takes to pretend that I'm having a good time. I smile at him trying to soften the blow and gesture to my desk covered with files. "No thanks Harm. I've got a lot of work to get done tonight."  
  
"Oh, ok." I can hear the disappointment in his tone. This is the third time this week I've turned him down to meet the group at McMurphy's. I look back to the file I am pretending to read, waiting for him to leave. Instead he comes in and closes the door, sitting down across from me. I groan silently to myself. He isn't going to let this go. I've been avoiding this talk with him for a month, but I have a feeling I'm not getting out of it this time.  
  
He stares at me, debating his words. "Mac, I really think you need to get out and spend some time with your friends. You've been shutting yourself up and burying everything in your work. It's not good Marine."  
  
Anger initially races through me at his meddling, but I know he's just trying to be a good friend. I try one more time to deflect this conversation, but he's got that look like a pit bull. "Harm, I've just been busy. I don't have time to go and hang out when I have 3 court martials to prepare for next week."  
  
"Come on, Mac. You're not any busier than the rest of us. Come with us tonight. It'll do you some good."  
  
I snort at his thought that it would do me some good. I see the hurt look in his eyes and I know I need to explain the battle I've been waging for the last few months since Jabir was killed.  
  
"Harm, being at a bar is NOT a good idea for me right now." I can see the momentary confusion and then panic flash across his face; I know he's wondering if I've fallen off the wagon.  
  
"I'm sorry Mac. I didn't even think of that." He immediately becomes contrite and looks away for a few moments. Turning back to me he searches my face for any sign of the answer to his unspoken question. "Have you. I mean. are you."  
  
I can tell he doesn't want to say the words out loud. "No, Harm. I haven't started drinking and I don't intend to. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go to McMurphy's with the group tonight."  
  
"One of the reasons?" His look is pleading with me to tell him the rest and I find myself giving in. It would feel really good to talk to someone; I just didn't think Harm would want to listen to this. The thought makes me feel guilty. He's done everything he can to try and help, why wouldn't he want to listen?  
  
I get up and move away from him, creating the distance I need to do this. I find myself at my office window, once again watching the drops of rain slide down the glass. "I don't feel like going out and pretending to be happy when I'm not. Some days, getting out of bed is the hugest struggle." The next part comes out more bitter than I intend, but it's the truth. "And I really don't feel like hanging out with happy couples who have what I don't anymore. It just reminds me of everything I've lost." I feel tears start to threaten and I stop, trying to regain my composure.  
  
I feel him move to stand just behind me, placing his hand softly on my shoulder. "I can't pretend to know how you're feeling. I understand if you don't want to be around any deliriously happy couples, but we're your friends and we love you. We just want to help. Mac, we're worried about you."  
  
His last words break my resolve and I cry softly. Harm moves to put his arms around me and holds me. He waits for me to regain my composure and then turns me gently to face him.  
  
"You know. I'm not part of a happy couple. I'm as miserably single as a man can get, so maybe if you don't want to hang out with the group you could just spend some time with me?" I know he's trying to cheer me up. Between the poor me tone in his voice and the puppy dog look he is giving me I can't help but smile through my tears.  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
I'd try anything right now to get even the tiniest smile from her. As she looks up at me, my heart does sommersaults. Her face is streaked with tears, but she has the simplest smile on her face. I'm still hopelessly in love with her, but right now I know she just needs a good friend and I'm determined to give that to her. Truthfully, I would give her anything she asked for.  
  
"So, what do you say? Hang out with this grumpy old bachelor tonight? We can do anything you want." I hold my breath waiting for her answer.  
  
"I suppose I can do a little charity work tonight and hang out with a sailor." I give her my best mock hurt look and she laughs softly. Her grin doesn't quite reach her eyes, but it's a start.  
  
4 months later  
  
1900 EST  
  
Roberts' Home  
  
Harriett's POV*** Colonel Mackenzie and Captain Rabb are coming over tonight for the first time in months. Well, Capt. Rabb has been over consistently, but the Colonel hasn't come over since just before her husband's death. I've been worried about her. She seems to have shut herself off from everyone. The Capt. seems to be the only exception. I've picked up little bits of conversation between the two and they seem to make plans together quite often. I can see them growing closer; regaining the trust they used to share. I wonder if it's too much to hope that they could find happiness together. The ringing of the doorbell brings me out of my reverie.  
  
"Hello Sir, Ma'm" I'm instantly chastised by both of them.  
  
"Harriet, we're in your own home!"  
  
I smile sheepishly and wave them in. "Sorry, it's just habit. Come on in. Bud will be back in a few minutes. I had to send him to the store." I lead them into the front room where the kids are playing, though not quietly. "I still have a few things left to prepare for dinner. Could the two of you watch the kids for me while I finish up in the kitchen?"  
  
They both nod their heads and I see Harm instantly scoop baby Sarah up in his arms. She giggles with delight and lil AJ pounces on Mac while chastising her for not coming over to play with him. I smile at how good they both are with my children. Now if only they could have their own, together.  
  
Mac's POV*** I feel guilty for avoiding my friends like I have. It was just too hard at the time, but with Harm's help I feel ready to face the outside world again. He's been such a good friend and I feel lucky to have him in my life.  
  
Right now I'm sitting on the couch reading to lil AJ and Harm's holding baby Sarah. I think it might be one of the sweetest sights I've ever seen. He's so tender with her, and the sight of Harmon Rabb Jr. talking baby talk is one I could get used to. Whoa, where did that thought come from? I feel myself blush at the thought and look back to find him staring at me with a perplexed look on his face. Trying to hide my embarrassment, I decide that Harriet must need some sort of help in the kitchen.  
  
Harm's POV** Why was Mac looking at me like that? And why did she turn so red when she caught my gaze. Its almost as if she was picturing me with... our child? No, I must be mistaken, but a man can dream after all. Whatever it was, she sure left abruptly. My attention is pulled back to baby Sarah as she smacks me on my face. She giggles at my reaction and I think of how much I want my own child. One that has either Mac's looks and my brains. Or vice versa. Just as long as part of my child is Mac's too.  
  
Harriet's POV*** Mac comes into the kitchen looking flushed and I wonder what happened. She looks at me and quickly asks if there is anything she can do to help while explaining that Harm has the kids covered. The way she says it gives me a suspicion about the reason for her red face.  
  
I decide to test my theory and look over innocently, giving her my best smile. "Yeah, he's pretty great with them. He'll make a good father someday."  
  
"Yes, he will." Her soft expression as she responds confirms my suspicions and I smile to myself knowing that things are starting to move from friendship towards something else. Even if she hasn't figured that out yet.  
  
"Mac, how are you doing? I mean really doing?"  
  
"I'm doing better." I raise my eyebrows and give her my best mom look while waiting expectantly for the rest of her answer.  
  
She smiles and continues. "When I think of Jabir now, it isn't as painful as it was a few months ago. My memories of him bring me comfort instead of heartache, usually. I still miss him, and I think to some degree I always will. Harm has been the hugest support during this time. I really don't think I would be in very good shape without him."  
  
"He cares about you, a great deal." I can't blurt out that he's still in love with her; it's not my place.  
  
She looks pensive at my comment and doesn't say anything for a moment. "I care about him too. He's very. important to me."  
  
I know I'm risking a lot by making my next statement, but I think I know what is holding her back in her feelings for Harm. "You know. Jabir would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to be alone for the rest of your life. If you're lucky enough to find love again, don't turn it away thinking it would be a betrayal of what you had with Jabir."  
  
She looks back to me quickly; a bit surprised at the boldness of my statement. She starts to respond but at that moment Bud walks into the kitchen with the few groceries I sent him after. I wonder what her response would have been, but the rest of the night passes quickly and they're walking out the door before I get a chance to talk to her again.  
  
As Mac hugs me, she smiles softly. "Thanks Harriet. For everything." Her last words let me know that she isn't mad at my statement. I watch them walk out together and I hope once again that they can find happiness with each other.  
  
3 months later  
  
0900 EST  
  
Mac's apartment  
  
It's a Saturday and I'm trying to figure out what to do to keep myself busy. I went running this morning for a couple of hours. I've been doing a lot of that the last few months and I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been in. Running clears my head better than anything else. Well, almost anything else. Harm does a pretty good job at that too. I hear the phone ringing and hope that it is Harm ready to save me from a boring Saturday.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mac, it's Harm"  
  
"Hey. What ya need?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you were busy today. I was going to go flying and thought maybe you'd want to come?"  
  
"Hmm. Lets see. Today I was planning on doing my laundry, organizing my kitchen utensils, picking the annoying fuzz balls off my sweaters."  
  
His laughter warms my heart. "So, is that a yes?"  
  
"Definitely . What time do you want me to meet you at the airfield?"  
  
"Oh don't worry about that. I'll pick you up. Say in about an hour and a half? Will that give you enough time to get ready and do your girl stuff."  
  
"Hey squid. You're talking to a marine here. I've been up for hours. I've already even run my 10 miles for the day."  
  
He laughs again. 'Hey, don't worry about lunch. I've got it covered. And yes, I'll bring something other than leafy vegetables."  
  
"You better. If not I may end up snacking on you." Oh crap! Tell me I didn't just say that out loud. What the hell was I thinking? I'm glad he's on the phone instead of here so he can't see me turning the reddest shade possible. The silence is unbearable and he clears his throat.  
  
Rabb's POV*** Did she just say she was going to snack on me? The thought brings images into my head and I barely swallow a groan of excitement. What do I say to that? I know she's probably embarrassed about the comment, and I struggle for a response.  
  
"Well, since they'd probably kick you out of the marines for that I'll make sure I bring a dead animal in some form." That was lame but at least it wasn't some stupid red light comment. I'm not going to discourage any desire on her part to snack on me! She recovers and seems grateful I didn't make a big deal out of her slip. We break the connection and I'm still trying to get the idea out of my head of her snacking on me. Did she mean to say that? Does it mean she's seeing me differently? As someone other than just a friend? I pray that it is what it means and rush around trying to get everything ready for an afternoon of flying in more ways than one.  
  
3 hours later  
  
Somewhere over Virginia  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
Her squeals of joy as we do loops makes my heart beat faster than the thrill of flying ever could. She's laughing harder than I've heard in years and I can't help but feel elated that it has something to do with me.  
  
"You ready for some lunch? There's a clearing up ahead with a great spot to relax and enjoy the view."  
  
"Absolutely. I'm starving!"  
  
I land the plane and jump out so that I can give her a hand down. She looks incredibly today. She just has a simple tank top under a long sleeve shirt and jeans, but she could look good in sweats. Reaching my hand up, I take hers and help her down from the plane.  
  
"Thanks flyboy."  
  
She called me flyboy! I can feel the silly grin spreading over my face at the term of endearment she hasn't used in close to 3 years. Now she's looking at me trying to figure out why I have a goofy grin plastered to my face.  
  
"What are you so happy about?" she asks as she laughs.  
  
I shrug. "I'm spending time with 2 of my favorite Sarah's today. What could be better?" At the look of surprise on her face, I realize what I just said. It's my turn to be embarrassed, but I don't mind if she knows. Her stomach rumbles and I laugh as she peaks inside the picnic basket.  
  
"So, what kind of good stuff ya got in there?"  
  
We spend the next hour eating and laughing at some of the antics of lil AJ and baby Sarah. The conversation turns silent and she yawns.  
  
"Want to take a quick nap before we head back?" Her grateful nod makes me glad I packed a couple of extra blankets. I motion her over to me and she lays her head on my chest. Minutes of silence have passed when I hear her mumble my name. I can tell she's on the edge of sleep but her voice is full of yearning. "Harm, do you think I'll ever find love again. Like I had with Jabir?"  
  
Her voice is mixed with a tinge of sadness and longing and my heart aches to tell her that I want her to find that with me. "You will, Sarah. I promise." Her steady breathing lets me know she's asleep and I wonder if she even heard me. The sensation of her in my arms relaxes me and I find myself fighting sleep. My last thought is of how right it feels to be holding her and that I never want to let go.  
  
End Chapter 11 part a  
  
Part b (Conclusion) to follow as quickly as I can write it. =0) 


	12. Conclusion

Title: Unfinished Business: Conclusion  
  
Author: Nala (nala@fanfiction.net)  
  
Disclaimers in part 1  
  
  
  
2 months later  
  
1130 EST  
  
JAG HQ  
  
Admiral Chegwidden's POV***  
  
The sounds of Rabb and Mackenzie arguing break through the bullpen and I stop in shock trying to remember the last time I heard them fighting with each other. As I listen closer, I can tell that though their voices are raised, they aren't angry at each other. I sigh in relief and watch as the two round the corner still bantering with each other. .  
  
"Harm, you didn't honestly think I was going to fall for that did you?" She looks at him with an expression mixed with amusement and disbelief.  
  
Rabb shrugs. "I had to try it, Mac. My client deserves a vigorous defense."  
  
She snorts at his comment. "Your client is guilty as hell and you know it. He deserves to go to Leavenworth and that is exactly where I am going to send him"  
  
"I just can't believe that didn't work. I must be losing my touch." Rabb frowns at her.  
  
"I know all your tricks, Sailor. Don't forget that the next time you try to sandbag me in court."  
  
"Oh Mac, you definitely don't know all my tricks." Harm stares at her with his patented flyboy grin along with a raised eyebrow.  
  
At that moment Mac notices my presence and turns bright red at the last comment. Her flabbergasted look is not lost on Rabb who turns to see what has her attention. I have to hold back the laughter as he stands ramrod straight. I could let them off easy, but I can't resist the urge to mess with Rabb at least a little bit.  
  
"Rabb. What tricks would you be referring to?" His complexion turns a ghostly white and from the corner of my eye I see Mac trying to hold back her laughter.  
  
"Uh, courtroom strategy, sir. I didn't intend it to sound inappropriate. My apologies, sir." At the rate he is backpedaling he's going to land on his six any second. I give him one last glare and narrow my eyes at him. I decide not to embarrass Mac since I have a soft spot for her and she has to put up with Rabb's ego as it is. As I walk away, I hear Mac snicker out loud and I know Rabb must be giving her his best glare because she suddenly bursts out in laughter and walks to her office. I find myself grinning as I think of how things are back to normal. Actually, they're really better than they ever were. Those two are growing closer and the depth of their friendship goes beyond anything they ever shared before Mac left on that mission. I wonder if anything more is going on, but from Rabb's comments I don't think they have crossed that line, yet.  
  
4 hours later  
  
JAG library  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
I'm sitting here surrounded by law books hoping to find an obscure reference to help with the new case Harm and I just got. I stretch my arms and roll my neck to get some of the kinks out. As I look across the table, I see Harm intently studying another law book. I take the moment to study him and my feelings for him. We've regained our friendship and the easy joking and banter is back. But is there more? As I look at his handsome features and study the lines of his face I think over the last few months and even years. I'm not surprised to find that I love him. I don't think I ever stopped loving him. But that isn't what I'm feeling right now. No, I'm in love with him. I feel a tinge of guilt, as if I'm betraying Jabir. But it fades quickly as Harriet's words come back to me and remind me that he would want me to find happiness. She's right too. I know Jabir would want that for me.  
  
I wonder how he feels about me. I know he loves me as a friend, but is he in love with me? He was at one time, but I don't know anymore. I gradually realize that I'm not staring at the top of his head anymore but into his brilliant blue eyes. My first instinct is to look away from the intensity of his gaze, but I find myself searching his eyes. Hoping to find an answer to my unspoken question. My breath catches as I see his eyes fill with love and desire.  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
I feel her eyes on me, studying me. She seems lost in another world as I raise my eyes to hers. I watch her emotions play across her face. I can tell the moment she realizes I am looking back at her. At first I think she is going to look away, but she holds my gaze; her eyes asking me a silent question. I try to convey my feelings for her with one simple look.  
  
"Sarah." My voice is barely a whisper. Desire arcs between us like fingers of electricity stroking our skin.  
  
The moment is lost as Bud and Harriet come into the library bringing the results of their search for information. I look to her and silently vow that we will finish the unspoken conversation started this evening. Soon, I'll say the words out loud. My heart is beating fast as I realize that I am so close to having what I desire most.  
  
Next evening  
  
1800 EST  
  
Mac's Apt  
  
Mac's POV*** Harm is lazing on the couch while I check on the baked Salmon we're having for dinner. He has been giving me cooking lessons, in attempt to 'broaden my talents'. Tonight is the first dish I've made entirely on my own and I'm really hoping it comes out all right.  
  
We haven't talked about last night's moment in the library but I'm content to let things move forward between us without pushing. When I looked into his eyes last night, any doubts about his feelings were put to rest. I feel safe in the knowledge that he loves me and when the time is right we will move forward.  
  
Rabb's POV***  
  
I move from the couch and watch as she checks on the salmon she is baking for us tonight. I'm actually really impressed that she has picked up cooking so quickly, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I think she's capable of doing anything.  
  
"Harm, will you toss me the hot pad?"  
  
Oh, I can't resist this. I have a clear shot at her. I send it sailing through the air and it thumps her directly in the back of her head. "Oh sorry, thought you were going to catch it."  
  
"That's a little hard to do when my back is facing you." She turns and gives me her best glare, but I can see the edges of her mouth turning up in a smile. That however is replaced by a different look. Uh oh. That's her payback is hell look.  
  
"Harm, could you come give me a hand with this?" Her smile is innocent but the mischievousness in her eyes is kind of scary, in a really sexy sort of way. She must sense my hesitation because she snickers. Ok, that's a challenge. I can take the best she has to offer.  
  
I move over to help her, while trying to keep an eye on her. She asks me to get a bowl off her top shelf. I am forced to take my eyes off of her for one second when I feel a spray of water hit me in the back. What the?? Turning I barely have enough time to see her point the spray nozzle from the kitchen sink at me and then the next thing I know I am getting drenched. She is laughing hysterically and the sound of it warms me in spite of the cold dousing I am getting.  
  
"This is war, jarhead." I barely manage to say as she aims the spray directly at my face. I rush forward and catch her before she can get away. Grabbing the nozzle from her I hold her in my arms and proceed to drench her from head to toe. Our laughter fills the apartment and I feel the best I have in years. She's struggling to get away but refuses to cry uncle, which makes me laugh even more. She is so stubborn! I decide to show mercy and put the nozzle away but hold her close.  
  
She struggles again to get away but only ends up turning in my arms to face me. She looks up at me laughing and I am struck by how beautiful she is. The moment changes as I feel the soft outlines of her pressed against me. Her white tank top is soaked and hiding very little of her. She's so close and my body his humming with the sexual tension between us. I need to taste her. As she sees my hunger, her eyes darken with her own desire. I slowly lower my mouth to hers. What starts out as a gentle brush against her lips turns into a mind-numbing kiss. All of my senses are on fire as she opens her mouth to me and our tongues stroke each other. Her soft moans of approval fuel my need for her.  
  
Mac's POV***  
  
He eases me backwards and traps my body between his and the counter, pressing against me as his mouth devours mine. He moves his mouth to gently suck on one of my ear lobes while his hand trails down tugging the wet strap of my tank top off my shoulder. If it weren't for him pressing me against the counter I don't think I could even stand right now. I feel my breathing become ragged as he traces a fiery path of kisses from my neck down to my collarbone and still lower. Every nerve I have is overloaded with his touch, but still I need more. I vaguely register the loss of his warmth and open my eyes to find him staring back at me with the most incredible look on his face.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"Sarah, before we go any further. I need to tell you how I feel. I need to make sure you know." He is struggling for breath and his words come out in a breathy whisper. He stands up and holds my face in his hands, tilting my face up to him.  
  
"Sarah, I love you so much. I don't want to lose another day that could be spent with you. I don't want to take the chance again that you might not know how much I'm in love with you."  
  
My heart soars at his declaration of love. "Harm, I love you too. I don't think I ever stopped loving you." He presses his finger against my mouth and smiles softly.  
  
"I know." He lowers his mouth to mine again and I feel myself getting lost in the sensation. The next thing I know he scoops me up into his arms and is carrying me to my bedroom.  
  
He looks down at me and smiles. "We have unfinished business and I'd prefer to finish it somewhere more comfortable." As I look up into his loving eyes, I find myself breathless at the depth of my feelings for him. I have to be the luckiest woman in the world to find two incredible loves in one lifetime. I know I'll spend the rest of my life with this man and as Harm and I make love, I know I've finally found home.  
  
  
  
END OF STORY  
  
Ha ha, couldn't resist the unfinished business line. Well, that's it for my first fanfic. Hope you all enjoyed. I know I tortured the poor shippers a bit, but isn't it sweeter when they get together after a trial?? Now that it is finished, I would love to know your final thoughts on the story. Pretty please! But no flames. I'll just delete them and think you're an idiot for being so mean.  
  
THANK YOU to ALL those who left encouragement and nice reviews. Especially those who were consistent in leaving a review after each chapter. That helped a ton!  
  
Oh, yes there is a non-edited version on the Shipperhm list at yahoo groups. Got questions, email me at the address listed above. THANKS!!! =0)  
  
One more OH. A sequel?? Now there's an idea. What trouble could I cook up for our favorite couple now that they're together??? HMMM... 


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